Masturbation: Making love alone

2014-10-19 15:00

Masturbation isn’t just about sex, nor is it just for singles. It’s also about self-love, says resident #Trending sex coach Jade Zwane

Masturbation is not just for children, old people or for people who are between lovers. It is a fundamental building block to all of our sexual experiences. It is an ongoing act of self-loving that we have throughout our lifetime.

It is a safer form of sex with no possibility of sexually transmitted infections and/or unplanned pregnancies.

And it’s fun.

Old wives’ tales about masturbation causing hairy palms and loss of vision are as false as Nicki Minaj’s ass.

And as far as I know, you won’t go to hell.

We are born to be sexual beings. Children exhibit subtle sexual behaviour from as young as two. They may rub their genitals, sometimes against items of furniture.

They are unaware that it is a sexual act, but do it because it is soothing for them.

They experience wet dreams as they get older and become aware of the way they touch themselves as being sexual.

Most people stop masturbating as soon as they experience partner sex because that is considered the “height” of sex.

Not only will masturbation reduce your stress levels, strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, result in orgasm and increase your chances of reaching orgasm during partner sex; it helps keep us in tune with our bodies’ ever-changing needs.

How can you ask for what you need if you don’t know what it is? Being familiar with your own sexual responses helps you communicate your wants and needs to your partner.

Masturbation is about learning what turns you on, exploring your fantasies and giving yourself an abundance of self-love and orgasms.

Most of us struggle with negative body image and shame, which masturbation is great at addressing.

The act of self-loving is not merely stroking your genitals. Burn candles, drink wine, take a sensual bath and wear your most expensive lingerie because each time you make time for yourself is special.

What’s also important to remember is that there are different types of orgasms.

I teach three kinds: the clitoral orgasm – you reach this by stroking the clitoris; the vaginal orgasm – reached by stimulating the vaginal canal, and the full body or blended orgasm – reached by stimulating the clitoris and vaginal canal simultaneously.

Make sure your hands are clean and be generous with lube. The important thing to remember is to have fun. Ensure you have complete privacy so you are completely comfortable.

How much masturbation is too much? When you find yourself out and thinking of going home to play with yourself all night, alarm bells should probably go off.

Masturbation is commonly used to treat sexual dysfunction, including for pre-ejaculators and women who struggle to orgasm.

Mutual masturbation can be very intimate between couples who are not yet ready to have penetrative sex or who want to explore each other.

Explore your body through masturbation. Find your clitoris. Many women still don’t know where it is or what it looks like, but expect their partner, who more often than not doesn’t have one, to find it and stimulate them into orgasm. (It is the little nub of skin that gets slightly bigger when you are aroused.)

Most women find it easier to reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation than vaginal orgasms.

Enjoy your body every which way you can. It is the greatest instrument you will ever own. And no one should know your own body better than you.

Do you have any questions for Jade about your sex life? SMS us at 34263. Use the keyword SEX and tell us what you think. Please include your name. SMSes costs R1.50

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