Msholozi is back, bitches!

2014-06-09 10:00

Why do we blow millions inaugurating the same president twice? Just use the money for a second chicken run and play the video from last time.

Hell, Msholozi could have saved us hours with a three-word speech that said it all: “I’m back, bitches!”

We have our new Cabinet. One of my favourite cadres, Lindiwe Zulu, is the minister of small business. Can we just call her the minister of tuck shops? Thulas Nxesi is still the minister of fire pools.

Even Bheki Cele is there as the deputy minister of agriculture. He won’t expropriate farms; he will rent them. Farm to kill, Mr Minister.

Siyabonga Cwele is in charge of telecommunications. Will all new Telkom lines now come with a gram of cocaine?

I want to know how Paul Mashatile got fired but Tina Joemat-Pettersson stayed? Was it a case of factionitis? The only reason you keep Tina is because you need someone to do so badly, they make the other ministers look good. She couldn’t run fishing, now she is running Eskom. That’s like someone crashing their bakkie and you give them a Ferrari.

Nathi Mthethwa went from being the police minister to being arts and culture minister. That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all year. You know how policing gives you the cultural depth you need to help grow the soul of a nation? Their next stroke of genius will be to make Riah Phiyega the commissioner of ballet.

Our Cabinet is bigger than that of Germany, the US or Japan: 71 ministers and deputy ministers. Why? Is the ANC trying to use Cabinet as a penis extension?

The ANC’s chief of propaganda and sangoma of spin, new spokesperson Zizi Kodwa, says it’s because we are a developing country.

My guess is they are trying to fill the 6 million jobs they promised entirely with Cabinet positions.

The other shocker is that former speaker Max Sisulu has left Parliament. My theory is it’s health reasons?–?an acute case of integrity.

On the other hand, Chief Justice Mogoeng Mogoeng is very much around and telling us he thinks adultery and pomping cause murders. If that’s true, it’s a matter of time before he arrests the president for inciting violence.

On the other hand, calling everyone who votes for the ANC a clown, as happened in a recent cartoon, is counter-revolutionary. Unless you are actually a clown, then best you join us on Late Nite News or get a leadership position in Cope.

The biggest news in the opposition is Herman Mashaba joining the DA. Irony is someone who sells Black Like Me products hanging with Helen “Black-Like-Me” Zille. Then again, with Lindiwe Mazibuko leaving and Herman arriving, the DA is a black people’s exchange programme.

» Missing is SA’s top puppet political analyst.

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