Music video review – Paris Hilton: Heiress, singer, unicorn

2014-07-27 15:00

Much like the cockroach that survives a radiation storm, Paris Hilton refuses to go away. In her unfailing desire to convince us she can sing, she’s released another song. Grethe Koen and Gugulethu Mhlungu marvel at her sheer determination

The cockroach lives on

For a moment in time, I thought perhaps Paris Hilton was dead, or at least gone forever. That was until I was besieged by a link for her latest video.

Set on winning the competition of Richest By Doing Absolutely Nothing against her one-time personal assistant Kim Kardashian, Paris has dabbled in everything from sex tapes and reality shows to music.

Her latest song, Come Alive, features her riding a swing made out of flowers and caressing the rainbow-coloured mane of a fake unicorn.

In all its autotuned glory, she lets us know that “...?This life/ I’m gonna live it / My life can get some crazy / Oh yeah oh oh”. Why is it that this woman makes me want to throw my computer, along with my desk, out the window? I feel like I want her to violently repent for existing. That unicorn in the video is symbolic – much like her talent, it doesn’t really exist.

– Grethe Koen

Long live Paris!

What do you do when your last album juuuust managed to sell 197?000 copies, and you can hardly hold a note, postproduction?

If you’re Paris Hilton, you sign with Birdman’s Cash Money Records and release your second album. You then make a pink explosion of a video where you use enough glitter to make RuPaul cry tears of joy.

In it, Paris is an angel and fairy princess and she sings about how her life can “get some crazy”.

The bits that appal me are also the very same parts that awe me. Why is there a giant candyfloss cloud?

Is it still a cloud or is it her skirt? So much pink! Giant pink roses that bloom in outer space! I ­appreciate her persistence.

­Paris has decided she’s going to live her pop star dream, dressed like a seven-year-old going to a fancy dress party, even if it means some poor sound engineer needs to spend an entire weekend making her voice sound ­decent.

– Gugulethu Mhlungu

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