Poor, misunderstood Comrade Julius

2010-03-24 11:11

IT seems that no day can pass without the press being full of

attacks on the ANC’s Youth League leader. Although we should perhaps be pleased

to have something to liven up our daily reading, I am beginning to feel sorry

for our noble, misunderstood Comrade Julius. After all, how refreshing it is to

experience a top politician not only giving honest answers and opinions on any

subject but also using language that everyone can understand and not just using

correct “polit-speak” that is capable of any number of interpretations.

We should ask ourselves how many bright young men would be prepared

to devote their lives to politics and find their personal lives and daily doings

so exposed to public scrutiny? How much more rewarding for them to use their

political connections solely in pursuit of business interests, when earning

money would be admired, not criticised. Comrade Julius has obviously set his

heart on making his way to the top echelons of the ANC and not merely pursuing

monetary gain. If those contracts in Limpopo had not been awarded to Comrade

Julius’s firms (or ex-firms), they would surely have gone to some other

ANC-connected enterprises for the same amount, so why all the outcry? It isn’t

so different to supporting your favourite charity and it obviously solved a

problem for Comrade Julius. Can’t we all be just a little pragmatic, because all

he was trying to do was to ensure his political independence?

Comrade Julius had recognised that the problem with making a career

in politics is that if you depend on the party for your income, you always have

to toe the party line. The only way to avoid this, and be able to say what you

really think, is to be financially independent. That was Winston Churchill’s

great advantage – he was free to say what he thought was right for the country

and not just toe the party line as a pacifist when Britain should have been

re-arming to fight Hitler. Also, for what it is worth, Churchill didn’t have a

formal education either but became one of the world’s greatest statesmen.

In the developed world today politicians cannot be trusted because

their policies are solely based on what they think they have to say to win the

next election. ANC politicians don’t have to be so sly because the majority of

the electorate will always vote for them, whatever they say or do or, at least

in the words of one of their leaders, until Jesus Christ returns to earth, which

seems like being a long time. However, by being financially independent, Comrade

Julius can enjoy the luxury of saying exactly what he thinks, whether his party

agrees or not.

He is obviously right to want to nationalise the mines, as this is

just the same as ensuring that stolen goods are returned to the rightful owners.

It will also ensure that the mines are run more efficiently, using the same

systems the ANC has introduced to local government to improve service delivery.

I am a little surprised that he also seems to want to nationalise the banks, as

I didn’t think they had been stolen from anyone, but perhaps I didn’t pay enough

attention in my history lessons and Absa Bank was originally founded by


I am disappointed that he doesn’t want the legal profession

nationalised. The best example of the sorry state of this profession is the fact

that his own lawyer apparently forgot to carry out Comrade Julius’s instructions

to resign his various directorships. One might perhaps argue as to whether or

not the minerals in the ground can be privately owned, but there can be no doubt

whatever that the laws of the country were created by Parliament and therefore

belong to all of us. It cannot be right that lawyers make a fortune from

something in public ownership. The state has now found effective ways of

preventing unnecessary criminal cases, like rape or corruption charges, getting

to court and wasting public money, but the lawyers are still making a fortune

out of civil cases, some of which have to be defended by our hard-working

ministers and top ANC officials, thus wasting their valuable time and personal


Some might think that Comrade Julius has missed a trick by not

wanting the media nationalised too, but he probably thinks the problems here

will solve themselves in the long run. After all, if journalists are really

sleeping with politicians they have a good chance of infecting themselves with

Aids and destroying themselves in due course. In any event, as any good

politician knows, one always needs an enemy to blame for all manner of things in

order to deflect criticism from oneself. In addition, even some ANC politicians

might experience some withdrawal symptoms if they suddenly could no longer enjoy

those free lunches and drinks, not to mention those occasional brown envelopes

that our comrade has mentioned.

I am told on good authority that Comrade Julius also had the idea

of nationalising Parliament to get rid of all those unnecessary and irritating

opposition MPs, but somebody explained to him that Parliament already belongs to

all of us and, despite all those boring debates, it anyway always ends up doing

what the ANC wants.

All that rubbish about the expensive gifts should also be put into

perspective. First, it would be ungracious to refuse gifts from well-wishers and

Comrade Julius is anything but ungracious. He needs a reliable watch to be

punctual for his many meetings and, as any South African knows, we all need more

than one car because you can never be certain of finding your car where you park

it. Owning more than one house is just a sign of good planning – when Comrade

Julius has made it to the top of the ANC he will also have to demonstrate his

faithfulness to African tradition by having numerous wives, just like our

honourable President, so it is wise to start accumulating houses now and save

the taxpayer money later.

The media outcry about Comrade Julius submitting no tax returns

simply shows the ignorance of the critics – how can anyone coming from a poor

background know anything about submitting tax returns. Although our beloved

Comrade may now be earning good money, judging by the many photos I have seen of

him handing over large cheques to needy recipients, it seems he is giving it all

away, so there is probably nothing left to tax anyway. Of course, the media try

to rubbish all this good work by claiming that it is government money he is

handing over.

Comrade Julius also doesn’t get the praise he deserves for being a

keen follower of African tradition. He has shown this in his reluctance to

criticise the president in any way because elders must always be respected. I am

surprised this doesn’t seem to apply to those of a different skin colour, or

perhaps Comrade Julius has simply misjudged the age of Helen Zille and Patricia

de Lille.

In South Africa we don’t know too much about snow, but Comrade

Julius should learn something about snowballs. There are some similarities

between a snowball and the ego of a politician who rises quickly through the

ranks. If one rolls a small snowball down a steep slope of fresh snow it soon

begins to accelerate by itself, growing quickly in size at the same time until

it is very strong and mighty. However, when it eventually reaches the bottom of

the hill it either hits a hard object and is completely demolished, or it comes

slowly to a stop and gradually melts into nothingness in the spring sun.

So Comrade Julius, don’t let all that criticism douse your

enthusiasm. Beware of the snowball and don’t be too disappointed if you don’t

become another Churchill.

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