Shaking the Stem to get to the fruit

2014-07-22 06:45

When Steve Hofmeyr sang Die Stem in Australia, South Africans were relieved. If he’d sung one of his own classic tracks, the world would truly have judged us.

Now Die Stem is back in the news because that’s how the Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) get to yank Freedom Front Plus’ chain.

I don’t know why we still include it in the anthem. It’s obnoxious to benefit from apartheid and get away with it. And it’s obscene to expect its victims to sing your cheesy apartheid song afterwards.

Let’s just sing Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika on its own. If some white people feel left out, add the Gummi Bears theme song.

But really, debates about songs and whether it’s okay to dress like a worker in Parliament don’t feed anyone.

Even Thandi Modise’s farm produces more food. Modise, by the way, is now officially South Africa’s worst boer. But when they sing “Kill the Boer”, we can be pretty sure she won’t be on the list.

Her pigs eat each other, which ironically is exactly how South African politics works. Let’s rather debate how someone can be allowed to run the National Council of Provinces when they can’t even feed a pig.

And why the hell does Hlaudi Motsoeneng still have a job? He could give Lionel Messi lessons in tackle-dodging. Apparently even his boss, SABC chairwoman Ellen Tshabalala, lied about her qualifications.

The only person at the SABC not lying about their qualifications is Thato Sikwane. I mean they’ve had him there as a DJ for eight years and they still call him “fresh”.

I’ve compiled a list of people more qualified than the current SABC execs to run the SABC: Pitch Black Afro, Kermit, Mandoza, the Nik Naks guy, Zakumi, Danny K.

Thuli Madonsela nailed Hlaudi and Nkandla in her reports – yet the ANC is still waiting to?...?maybe?...?perhaps?... decide what to do about them.

Turns out the ANC sees Thuli like Fifa sees Bafana.

Then Mamphela Ramphele decided to leave politics. How will we get by without her? Her own party tried to kick her out, so she decided to leave.

This was like Spain “deciding” to leave the World Cup.

Agang spent R50?million getting 50?000 votes. At R1?000 a vote, they’re the Louis Vuitton of electoral politics.

Ramphele should have stayed at home and donated the money to the EFF.

At least then the millionaire “worker” dudes leading the EFF could explain their luxury wheels.

I’m just glad Msholozi got to the World Cup final. The Maracana Stadium in Rio is the closest we’ll see him to Marikana.

Missing is SA’s top puppet political analyst.

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