Single. Black. Christian. High-flyer. Seeks mate

2010-11-06 16:01

I consider myself a modern, up-to-date woman in every sense of the word.

I’m ambitious, headstrong, feisty, I make my own decisions, I live in a cosmopolitan city where I hobnob and engage intellectually, spiritually and emotionally with all kinds of people and, yes, my friends are high-flyers!

I don’t subscribe to the notion of being a kept woman because, besides the fact that we live in a society that promotes and encourages the active economic participation of women, I think being a kept woman is ancient and does a woman like me no justice at all.

So as I navigate these concrete jungles to find a mate whose key fits my lock, I say a prayer.

I pray to God that there exists a man who knows that I’m a strong woman, but is not intimidated by my strength.

It’s not meant to be a threat. In fact, it is the strength of a woman that has raised many a family when the man was nowhere in sight.

So really, our strengths should complement each other.

A good friend once pointed out that men say they don’t want a docile woman, yet they run when faced with a type of Cleopatra, the Egyptian queen.

An ex points out, when I talk to him about the alarmingly high number of single Christian women in the church, that this is nothing new and has been a long time coming.

According to him and in specific reference to me, we modern women have lost the precepts of a good Christian woman who, he says, “at times just needs to do as she’s told without asking questions”.

He claims my inability to do that is the reason why I’m 31 and still unmarried.

Of course I’m livid and I suspect he’s saying this to ruffle my feminist feathers and I’m playing straight into his nasty trap. In defence of the sisters, I point out to him that there is a shortage of men in the church.

So much so that some women are deciding that its better to give up the ideal of sharing the same religious values with a partner and date outside of the church.

I personally have friends who say, “girl, at this age (34 in the case of this friend) you can’t afford to be so high and mighty about what you want, otherwise you will be single until Jesus himself arrives”.

I also point out that some brothers have admitted that they feel out of their depth when it comes to the high-flying sisters who, they claim, are too materialistic.

I’ve raised this subject on a Facebook status update once and the recurring response was that women in the church no longer choose a man according to his spiritual maturity and ability to be a good “man of God” husband, but it’s about how much prosperity has knocked on your door.

The men say the sisters are checking what cars they drive, where they stay, what jobs they have and how much they earn!

Unfortunately, I’m unable to confidently defend the women.

I know many women who say just because they are Christian, it doesn’t mean they have to accept and tolerate bums!

A man is a man is a man and he needs to step up and not hide behind the bible to make his excuses for his lack of ambition.

When I took this view to the males, their response was mixed. While some believe a man’s primary duty is to provide for his woman, others feel the woman should be patient until “he’s blessed”.

Until then, they should share the resources at their disposal, mostly hers!

Until now I have resisted reading “how to bag a husband” books and attending the “how to attract a man for marriage” seminars.

I was hoping, without success, for a more organic process but, seemingly, there is a method to that madness.

» Magubane is a journalist, radio broadcaster, writer, poet and social commentator. She hosts a gospel and Christian spirituality show on SAfm titled Living Sounds every Sunday from 6pm to 8pm

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