Sitting at home with broken dreams and babies that could have waited

2009-12-05 12:35

MY neighbour’s

13-year-old daughter has found her “ultimate dream”. She wants to be Khanyi Mbau

for a day.

“She is a diva with a fabulous life,” is what Letlhogonolo told me

when I asked why Miss Mbau.

The fact that Mbau’s chief talent is sucking cash out of men with

more money than sense strikes ­Letlhogonolo as a bit strange but “fabulous is

fabulous!” This young one wants this so bad she has written a letter to Zola 7.

Asked if material possessions were worth whoring yourself for, the

young one looked at me like I was missing the point. Having fancy and expensive

possessions should not have to wait until one can pay from one’s own pocket, not

when you have a vagina, and certainly not when you can find a jackass to pay for


Silly me!

I was at a store in Mabopane recently when a conversation between

two schoolgirls caught my attention.

Girl A had a man “after” her. “He says he wants to date me,” she

said, “so I told him my deal,” which was that she does not date men without

money to finance her clothes and lifestyle.

“Like, can you imagine having a boyfriend and still have to use

taxis or worse, have undone hair?”

“Vele!” was Girl B’s response.

They high-fived and giggled. These two young girls were writing

school exams but were passing the morning at the mall, talking about sucking

money out of willing men.

I am bothered that there are still young black girls who choose to

use sex for material ends when our democracy has given young women the

opportunity to ­be self-made.

What disturbs me more is that ­kasi is never short of living proof

of why a young girl should aspire to being more than her vagina.

Growing up my street was full of teenage girls and out of all of

them only four are not sitting at home with broken dreams and babies that could

have waited. The rest started derailing when their figures started


Hot and in demand they made having premature sex their top

priority, some to the point where their chief occupation was jumping from one

car-driving man to the next.

One was a close friend who ended our friendship when chubby ol’ me

didn’t fit the bill.

I was a geek, a prude and never going to be hot enough for my

vagina to be a meal ticket or ride around town.

Girls like her abound even though they see the women they risk

turning into the type who are not reaping the fruits of this hard-earned

democracy because they literally put sex and the need to be “it” girls above

their education and empowerment. It’s a terrible shame.

Even more disturbing is the fact that some parents endorse their

young daughters’ whoring instead of encouraging them to work towards their

aspirations. Take my aunt’s neighbour for instance. Her teenage daughter’s

boyfriend is almost as old as the mother. The lovers meet and mingle at her

mother’s house.

Disturbed and scandalised, my aunt let the mother know what her

teenager was getting up to.

Her response was that she saw nothing wrong with her daughter being

in a sexual relationship with an older man because “he looks after her and knows

that a man must enter the yard loaded with groceries”.

Now, we all know what happens when a man buys sex from a woman. She

seldom has a say over her sexual health. And not having power to tell a partner

to use a ­condom increases the risk of HIV ­infection.

This particular mother thinks this is okay as long as the man comes

with food that she should be providing for her family in the first place.

And then we cry wolf at the disrespect we are getting from the men

of this nation.

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