State of the nation, one word at a time

2013-02-17 10:00

If this state of the nation address were any more boring, Generations would use it as a script. Our president isn’t exactly a speed reader.

It’s like someone was SMSing him the speech oneword at a time.

The president could have been a lot more inspiring because right now Msholozi is so hot Nando’s is basting him on chicken.

He went to Mangaung and won.

He went to Bafana Bafana and they beat Angola.

He beat Juju. I suspect Lance Armstrong has been illegally injecting himself with Msholozi.

But still, I watched this address and thought, for a guy who has four wives this man isn’t big on commitment.

Politicians didn’t mind this occasion being held on Valentine’s Day because they know nobody loves them, but the rest of us want more before we’re screwed.

I am sick to death of seeing politicians walking around pretending they have something many, many South African school kids are deprived of: class.

On the bright side, nationalisation is out the door, but that’s mainly because Cyril Ramaphosa would have to nationalise himself.

If you Google the words “conflict of interest” you get a picture of Cyril Ramaphosa.

The president spoke about obesity and building dams. Water retention for days. And corruption?

Seriously, Jacob Zuma is committed to fighting corruption like Khulubuse is committed to Weigh-Less.

Of course you like Brics Mr President.

Looking at your foreign benefactors we can see you built Nkandla one Brics at a time.

Even the Guptas were present during the address.

We have Treasury, and we have the Guptas, Treasury Lite.

President Zuma mentioned making teaching an essential service. What does this mean? Will teachers go to school in an ambulance?

Some kid passed Grade 7 with 29% last year.

The economy is so bad even school comes at a discount.

But it’s awesome that we are building 40 new schools in the Eastern Cape.

The Zilles of the world ignore the fact most poor people in the former homelands are not poor because they did not vote DA.

They are poor because white people put them there.

The president supported gender issues, which to me is like KFC selling salad.

It’s a good idea, but it tastes a bit funny.

This is the guy who supported the sexists at the House of Traditional Leaders.

I am stoked Comrade President dealt with the land issue.

Let’s agree, land redistribution in South Africa is so slow Josh Groban could sing to it.

My biggest take-out from the address is that Gwede Mantashe is a very good ventriloquist.

When Msholozi talks you hardly see Gwede’s lips move.

»Missing is a political analyst on Late Nite News with Loyiso Gola on eNCA

Join the conversation! encourages commentary submitted via MyNews24. Contributions of 200 words or more will be considered for publication.

We reserve editorial discretion to decide what will be published.
Read our comments policy for guidelines on contributions. publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Inside News24

Traffic Alerts
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.