The weird world of politics: Let them eat meat

2014-01-12 14:00

Let them eat meat

President Jacob Zuma is taking the politics of food to an entirely new level. He told party supporters in Mpumalanga that if the ANC got 90% of their votes, he would reward them by slaughtering cattle to celebrate.

The voters now know that anything less than 90% won’t get them a party. “We want every vote. Even the sick, we must carry them with their blankets to vote,” Zuma said.

“After the elections, we benefit everyone?...?we rule over everyone, even the troublesome ones. If they are hungry or causing trouble, we will feed them with food.”

What’s in a boo?

ANC secretary-general Gwede Mantashe has shown his mettle as a political semanticist by explaining to journalists what’s in a “boo”.

“When booing is planned ahead of an activity, it is not booing. Give it its right name. You can’t be booed if it is planned in advance, and there is a choir conductor who says ‘one, two, three, four’,” the uncle explained.

He further elaborated for those of us who don’t understand what it is to be a politician: “It is just a part of political life. Booing is not a threat, it is a nuisance in an activity.”

Swimming in the fire pool

Meanwhile, on the other side of the same political divide, economic fighter in chief Julius Malema was plotting a coup in Nkandla by building homes for the poor when its chief resident was set to be in Mpumalanga launching manifestos.

At a press conference on Thursday, Malema called Nkandla a “museum of corruption” and said the fire pool was called such because its owners cannot swim.

Asked whether the body of water at his home was called a fire pool too, a somewhat embarrassed Juju said it was indeed a swimming pool, which made us wonder whether the commander kept his red beret on during pool parties.

Sincere flattery

Speaking of red berets, the ANC in Mpumalanga caused a bit of a stir when the party printed its logo on thousands of red berets and distributed them at rallies leading up to yesterday’s manifesto launch. Malema’s lot immediately accused them of imitating the fighters.

Although Malema didn’t invent the beret, it is certainly true that he made it cool (kind of). ANC supporters had to dig deep to find pictures of leaders wearing berets, but couldn’t find any that weren’t of Juju.

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