There’s more muck to rake in the silly season

2014-12-14 15:00

Wednesday. The Croc (City Press photographer Khaya Ngwenya) is off getting his gear sorted out ahead of yet another royal wedding. I’m trying to work out ways to avoid the royal wedding. I’m not one for royals. Or weddings. Which is tough when you live in a kingdom.

Wedding or not, it’s a week and a half to a deadline-free week. Seven whole days of feeding my face and not the beast. Seven days of beer, dead animal and midweek football. Thank you, Baby Jesus.

Most years, I take New Year off and end up at the Commander in Chief’s orphans and pensioners gigs at Nxamalala village. We might have worn out our welcome. This year, I’m opting for lunch with Small James and Big James. And maybe my own orphan’s party afterwards. The Croc’s also heading homewards for a grilling about why he’s not married yet.

It’s been a long year. A lot has happened. British businessman Shrien Dewani (accused of orchestrating the killing of his then new bride Anni) and Oscar Pistorius (found guilty of culpable homicide after shooting his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp) have both dodged a bullet.

The creator of the soapie Generations, Mfundi Vundla, has caused a national crisis. Labour federation Cosatu has disintegrated. So has power utility Eskom. There goes my hope for a cold beer at Christmas.

A lot hasn’t happened. The Commander in Chief still hasn’t paid back the money. Nor does it look like he’s going to any time soon. The way things are going, the Commander in Chief will have retired by the time Parliament makes up its mind about who really broke into his house and built a fire pool. Unless all this talk of a third term at Luthuli House is for real.

The would-be Commander in Chief is paying back the money. The would-be Commander in Chief is also managing to stay out of jail. And of Parliament, it seems, after his studs-up tackle worthy of Arsenal enforcer Mathieu Flamini on his opposite number in the House.

It’s been a tough footballing year too. Chiefs are looking unstoppable. The Red Scum look like they’ll end up back in Europe next season. The Bucs and the Gooners are looking wobbly. Again. At least Diego Simeone’s blue and white army are still in the game.

It’s gonna be a tougher one-and-a-half weeks. The rest of the world is winding down. Parents are attending their childrens’ graduations. JahNoDead and the Ghenginator are getting ready to watch test cricket.

Everybody’s on holiday or preparing to go on holiday. Or drunk. Or all three. Nobody’s reading newspapers. We’re still raking muck and getting into the faces of the people we’re able to get hold of.

It is what it is.

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