Uptown Girl: My super awesome end-of-year resolutions

2011-12-06 07:18

I’m nothing if not an overachiever: I make resolution at the beginning and the end of the year.

The time has come for me to draw up a list of resolutions, known in the Land of Mokgadi as the list of “stuff-I-should-do-because-they’re-good-for-my-personal-growth-but-I-conveniently-forget”.

This year, things are going to be very different. I’m going to stick to them ... As best as I can.

The first one is to do more good. I always have the best intentions of joining a charity, saving the planet, etc. but never really act on it.

Starting right now, I’m going to strive to be the best global citizen who cares about the planet and does something about it.

I also want to be an activist for a cause. As long as it betters people’s live, so don’t expect me to join a “legalise marijuana” campaign.

On the self-improvement front, I plan to start judging men by their personalities. After some soul-searching, I’ve realised that I’m very superficial when it comes to men. That’s why I’m single.

So, “hunk” and “a sexy body” will no longer be part of the description in the guy criteria. Although, I’m still keeping the personal hygiene part.

A guy can look like Uncle Bob Mugabe or Blade Nzimande, but if you don’t even take care of yourself on top of your hotness-challenged person, then hayi ke, you must just forget it.

Intelligence and a dazzling personality are also a must. There’s nothing worse than a hot man with a dead personality à la X-Factor’s Steve Jones. On second thought, the worst is when the guy is not hot and have a dead personality. I can’t.

Still on the self-improvement front, I shall quit the “likhwas” (which I’ll probably do very slowly because it’s just so delicious and Ke Dezemba, boss!).

But eventually, it shall all stop.

The next two resolutions embarrass me but they need to be done: learn how to drive and swim. Hopefully not at the same time and not because I drove a car into the pool while trying to learn.

No, I just need to get the driving out of the way so I can keep my job and I need to swim in case it happens that I’m at a pool party and one of my fun-loving buddies pushes me into the water.

To this day I don’t know how I’ve managed to avoid that from happening. I suspect my friends are scared of messing up my weave – they know I’ll slap their asses with an invoice from the damn hairdresser.

Hair business is serious. You just don’t mess with a black woman’s weave. Friendships have been known to be broken over weaves.

Lastly, I need to go back to school and do that MBA I’ve been meaning to do since graduating. And I want to do it in New York. Yes, me and the Big Apple are kindred souls.

Chances are high that I’ll end up living there. After getting married in Las Vegas, of course.

Only a true liker of things will draw up and stick to a brilliant and awesome resolution list like this one.

Fact: I’m nothing if not a dedicated, card-carrying member of Likers of Things Inc.

What are your end-of-the-year resolutions?

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