#randomtweet: Can you make it as a roving reporter?

2010-10-28 14:45

(High-angle camera shot. Reporter walks into the foreground. And, action!)

They live among us.

In fact, they look just like you and me, only with a microphone attached.

No, not Julius Malema’s bodyguards, silly, e.tv reporters, of course.

Now, we’ve all salivated after their repertoire of antics as they attempt to present the news in an interesting way (as if South Africa’s news isn’t interesting enough. For goodness’ sake, the security minister’s wife is on trial for alleged drug trafficking).

They’ve ridden horses and kicked soccer balls with elephants.

Don’t try to hide the envious look on your face as you reminisce about those e.tv news “episodes”. I’ve seen it already my friend.

You too can take a swig of Johnnie Walker in front of the camera while you’re reporting on the longevity of the alcoholic brand, for instance.

But first you have to pass this rigorous test of competence.

Answer these five random questions honestly.

1. Can you move? The era of the immobile roving reporter (who stands still in front of the camera) is over. If you don’t like this, maybe you could consider sending your CV to the SABC.

Yes = 5 points; No = 0 points.

2. Can you ride a horse? This is for when you have to report on a horse-related story such as Mad Horse Disease.
Yes = 10 point; No = -10 points.

3. Can you smoke? This is for demonstration purposes. For instance, if you report on a new health study regarding the fatal effects of smoking, you need to show people what exactly is going to kill them, which, in this case, would be smoking.

Yes = 1 point; No = -3 points
4. Are you animated? In other words, will you say that the police are still investigating the case, or will you say that the criminal got away?

Yes = 10 points; No = -10 points.

5. Do you watch e.tv news?

Yes = 100 points; No = -100 points.

If you answered no to any questions (especially the last one), you don’t make the cut. Sorry.

(Reporter looks away from the camera with a serious look on her face. Cue dramatic music. Shot fades to black.)

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