Anti-Valentines hit back

2012-02-11 00:00

VALENTINE’S day … V day or just plain very annoying day!

It’s about love or l-u-r-v-e – the ultimate emotion … the stuff that dreams are made of.

A local bank’s survey “The Survey of Love” showed that this year many South Africans were planning on celebrating Valentine’s Day with their loved one, and surprisingly, 94% of the men and 91% of women said that Valentine’s Day was the perfect occasion to show your loved one how much you cared. The FNB survey showed that men planned to spend slightly more on their partners between R250-R500, and only four percent of women felt it was their partner’s duty to spoil them.

Women viewed romantic dinners and getaways as ideal romantic gestures and cuddly toys as the worst, while men reviled socks or ties as gifts.

For some though, February 14 is possibly the worst day of the year as lovebirds and couples swoon around celebrating their syrupy love and cynical singles feel as if cupid should have that pointed arrow rammed up his bottom.

But commercial enterprises are never ones to be caught on the back foot … realising that there is a market to be had in the form of lonesome singles, they have caught on to the fact that there are probably more singles out there with broken hearts. In America — the so-called land of opportunity — there is so much more on offer than chocolate hearts and fake roses. The anti-Valentine movement is a growing trend, and you can plan an anti-Valentine party, send a friend an anti-Valentine card in sympathy for her similarly loveless status — and you can send your ex a little reminder of what he is missing out on. Of course the anti-Valentine movement should be taken with a pinch of salt — because deep inside every grown up girl is a woman waiting to find a Prince Charming — but as a salve for a broken heart it is worth a try.

There are websites dedicated to the anti movement where you can slag off your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend and rant about their bad breath and cheating ways.

Thank goodness this Valentine’s Day you can go to movies alone and watch a whole menu of anti-Valentine movies designed to make you realise that love is just a bad joke.

For single guys especially, imagine the relief of never having to be dragged to another chick flick! To be able to watch an action movie, and then have a night out with the blokes and not to be reminded that you are drinking too much. What bliss. No more charging around trying to find a bunch of roses for an exorbitant price and then the sulky expression when you arrive late for dinner with the pricey bunch of flowers in your paws — damn women and damn Valentine’s Day!

While local gift shops are punting racy red lingerie and corny “I love you” paraphernalia, other types of shops are also to cash in on this once a year marketing bonsella. Litchis are trying to compete with oysters as the food of love. A marketing pitch says that a famous Chinese mistress of the emperor, Lady Yang, loved litchis and as they were only grown in the south of China, the emperor arranged for them to be imported for his favourite beauty.

A woman in Berlin is offering to teach men some etiquette if they are taking their hot date out to a fancy restaurant. No ordering a burger and chips at the posh French restaurant — it’s a deal breaker; make sure you use your serviette and pull her chair out for her. Of course a real gentleman foots the bill, but as it is leap year perhaps the ladies will offer to pay this year.

A pair of professional Latin dance teachers in the UK are offering hot dance lessons to men who want to woo the object of their desire on the dance floor. Imagine the look on her face when you whirl her around like a pro and she is helpless in your arms, you’ll feel like Patrick Swayze. If you are likely to be alone and at home on Valentine’s night be comforted by the fact that at least you are not risking life and limb by smooching a frog.

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