Deepen family relations by working together

2011-07-14 00:00

DESPITE the popular belief that children should spend as much time as possible socialising with their peer group, there are always easy and fun ways to include them in what we are doing. It is at these times that children learn more than when they are given toys to play with. Yes, a pretend tea set or train set allows them to spend time imagining all sorts of games. Through pretend play children develop their concept of who they are and how society and relationships as a whole fit together. Make-believe is a fundamental part of childhood. However, toys don’t specifically teach a child the life skills that they will need in daily life. A child may be able to cut up play dough to make a doll’s dinner; however, cutting a cucumber and adding it to the salad for dinner gives the activity meaning and purpose. Instead of just pretending to be useful and playing a role, they are engaging in real-life activities that make them feel useful and a part of the family. This gives them a sense of belonging and importance.

From the age of two or three years — under adult supervision — a child can be given a cutting board and a blunt knife to cut up fruit and vegetables. Start off with soft fruit such as a banana or paw-paw so that they don’t need much effort or co-ordination. From about three years, children have enough co-ordination to start peeling carrots. Children as young as two years can learn to break an egg. Simply place a mug in a bowl and break the egg into the mug. If your child misses the mug, the egg lands in the bowl. You may need to stick your fingers into the egg with them a few times and scoop out bits of shell.

Being a part of the family unit in such a meaningful way from the beginning encourages children to want to help as they get older. Incorporate your child in all your household chores such as hanging up and folding washing and washing dishes — you do the glass ones and they do the plastic ones. From the time they can walk, children can help put dishes away and pick up toys. All these activities are not only training your child in vital life skills but also building an attitude of service and responsibility. Children love feeling that they are trusted and needed, so giving them the responsibility of feeding a pet or wiping a table builds their self-esteem. As children are included in the household activity they feel needed and loved.

These times of working together as a team deepen family relationships, build friendships and encourage siblings to make a plan and work together for the good of the family. Children don’t need to be bribed and rewarded for helping keep the home running smoothly. Instead there may be natural consequences such as if they haven’t fed the dog they may not have their supper. Or the family can’t go out to the park until all the responsibilities are completed.

Family is such a special and wonderful concept. It is designed to train and teach a child in so many ways, yet we get caught up in babying children, pampering them and rushing to meet their needs. Instead, we should see children as a part of the family. By drawing our children into the centre of the home action, we are not only preparing them for life and teaching them many important skills, but they grow up secure feeling needed, valued and loved too.


• Joanne Madgwick is a parenting and educational consultant. Find out more about her at

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