Monday Morning Survival Guide

2010-11-01 00:00

ABOUT yourself?

I’m a writer, business owner, hustler, voice artist and comedian. I love singing songs and when I don’t know the words in some parts I find something to do so people don’t realise that I don’t actually know the words ... such as take a sip of my drink, and swallow quickly before the chorus ... “I like big butts and I cannot lie”... (She takes sip of water.)

What are your comedyinfluences?

My complete social ineptitude.

Current projects?

This awesome animated TV show called My Child. I’m involved in writing and doing the voices. It’s created by the talented Nick Wilson and features fellow comedian Trevor Gumbi.

What is your Monday morning survival guide?

I usually only realise it’s Monday half way through the day. My weeks are all twisted because I work such funny hours. Wednesday is like my Sunday.

For me, every morning is a struggle but since I started working out, the mornings are a breeze. Healthy living, eating and sleeping do help.

What do you do when you are caught in two-hour traffic?

For a long time I didn’t have a car and I used to get a lift with people between Pretoria and Johannesburg. We’d look at people in the traffic and play games.

“See that old man in the car next to us? He’s like 300 years old, really wrinkly but super rich. So, for R50 000 a week for the rest of your life, would you have sex with him?For R100 000?”

I also like that who-would-you-rather-have-sex-with game. Yesterday, I was playing it with these kids and the one oke says, “Okay, Caster Semenya or Whoopi Goldberg?’ Brilliant!”

Pretoria is ...

Like Being John Malkovich, except everyone is Vernon Koekemoer.

If you had to play the voice of a famous cartoon/animation character, who would you play?

The Genie from Aladdin. It has been my inspiration for years. I’ve been doing voice-overs for about 14 years and that is my all-time favourite. I still know the entire opening monologue from that film.

Being single is like …

Realising that “independence is freeing other people from the slavery of your own emptiness and need” (J. Krishnamurti).

What would I find in your fridge right now?

I promise that’s not mine.

The worst boss you have ever had?

I once worked for this guy with serious attention deficit disorder ... he scratched a lot. It was strange.

What is the craziest thing someone has ever said to you? How did you respond?

I was standing in a queue at Shoprite recently and this dude comes up to me.

Dodgy kwaito kid: “Hello baby, where do you stay?”

Nina: “Why are you asking me that? Why is that always the question? How about introducing yourself?”

Dkk: “Me? I’m Maching-ching. I’m a kwaito star.”

Nina: “Buwahahahahahaha.”

THARUNA DEVCHAND interviews Nina Hastie



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