Never mind the sex, where's the ice cream?

2011-09-02 00:00

Say the word sex and most people will prick up their ears – now there is an unfortunate adverb! Last week’s Sexpo in Durban was a massive trade fair for sex toys, lingerie and porn. Filling an entire exhibition hall the stall holders were hoping to sell their wares to an insatiable market.

Sex toys are available in every shape and size. They vibrate, rotate and buzz in three different speeds and can even come in a small compact size to put in your hand bag.

A friend of mine was horrified to find her dolphin shaped sex toy was lying exposed in her son’s toybox, it had been put there by the maid who unearthed it in her underwear drawer. She obviously thought it belonged in the toybox with all the other automated things that whirr and buzz.

But sex toys have like g-strings and Viagra become so passé – is it just me or have other South Africans got over the shock value of novelty sex. I have been writing about the sex industry boom since the stars were ripped off the boobs of centerfolds. Sex in the newspaper industry is always big news. I have interviewed pole dancers who have had their clitoris’s pierced. I have written about housewives doing DIY porn videos and also the young women who go to “Tupperware parties” which are actually sex toy parties.

I have watched young brides learn how to strip tease, yes I have also interviewed the penile artist – Pricasso - who this year did paint a pretty good picture of me with his willie. Oh yes I have interviewed the tantric sexpert before and tested passionfruit g-spot jelly which actually gave me a sore throat at the time!

I have even given a condom demonstration on a wooden willie … So what could possibly make me pay attention in this massive den of inequity. Well to be perfectly frank I really enjoyed the ice-cream. The Sinful ice-cream stand was exactly what it claimed to be. Delicious and sweet and exotic and 100 percent orgasmic!

I know I have just shot my reputation to pieces. It’s like wandering into a bar and asking for a cup of tea, but I think I am all sexed out – figuratively.

In Amsterdam where the red light district originated, I am told that school children walk disinterestedly past those windows where “working” women sit in their fetish underwear. The children don’t even look at the windows unless it is to wave goodbye to Mom who is adjusting her g-string.

Twenty years ago I went on a tour of Europe, the last stop was Amsterdam. We were young, naïve and often inebriated, most of us were experiencing the freedom of Europe for the first time. Most of the tour group were Australians and a sprinkling of us were South Africans. The tour guide offered us the choice of seeing a live sex show or a visit to a coffee café where you could try drugs. Risque!

Clearly there was no choice – well the Aussies thought differently they’d been shagging for years – sheep probably – they trooped off to where the grass was greener – literally! Us starry eyed South African went to where the censorship board was out of range to watch naked people having a go.

Clearly I have been scarred for life … in fact I have never been able to look at a banana the same way! Now sex has become so mainstream that it completely lacks the shock value. Is this a good or bad thing? I think by making sex a wholesale commodity it has indeed cheapened the whole act. Sex is no longer sacred. That is very sad.

I remember when I was young reading a teenage romance novel you would eagerly flip the pages wondering when the boy and girl were ever going to kiss. Centimetres of ink would be spent on the build up and then when it happened it was like an explosion of emotion. An event … a climax.

Now kissing is perfunctory the art of the kiss is almost lost in the race to the g-spot. I am yearning for the good old days when sex was exciting and ice-cream was boring!

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