So, are you shaking a leg for United tonight?

2010-09-08 00:00

FOOD and fashion have no place in football columns, but if you will kindly excuse me while I vent my spleen here.

Your faithful scribe somehow snuck into two awards functions in the past week, and amidst all the razz-matazz, I was left rather disappointed in our league of (mostly) gentlemen.

Us sports journalists are usually hauled over the coals for our “casual” approach to sartorial etiquette, but some of us darkies are taking “casual” to new heights.

Or perhaps depths is more appropriate.

Crikey, even yours faithfully made an effort, despite a wardrobe that houses clothes fit for weddings or washing of cars — and nothing in between.

There I was at the SAB Awards, dressed like a man about to have an audience with the president, and some of my fellow comrades resembled the taxi drivers that trawl around OR Tambo.

Having been given an invitation that said “strictly business-smart”, I figured to at least oblige the organisers.

I guess good writers do not necessarily make good readers.

Clearly I am still green around the ears, because there seems to be a veterans’ memo that told everyone to be defiant.

So I stood out like a vegetarian at a biltong convention, but the sponsors’ nectar certainly helped things along.

And as for the food, one would have figured on slightly bigger helpings considering the free-flowing drinks that were being guzzled down faster than a Usain Bolt chicken-nugget feast.

A smurf-sized lamb rack was certainly not going to soak in six draughts of amber nectar — and I am not referring to myself here!

There was carnage out there, and all of it could have been avoided with a bit of shisa nyama (braai vleis in darkie talk ). It really doesn’t take much to please us journos, you know.

As you may know, it was international week on the football calendar. Hence my rambling about all things un-football.

Perhaps I should get back to the script, before my musings get relocated to the recipes section.

Well, where does one start?

Bafana won, which would have just about been cause for a new public holiday a year ago.

But they really ought to have racked up a Pakistani-fix sized cricket score.

It is funny how expectations have been raised since Pitso Mosimane’s men won against Ghana.

Just wait until he stumbles though, and he will resemble a hairless, tache-less PDV on the touchline — and in the media.

The less said about the Boks the better, so I shall swiftly move on to tonight’s agenda.

Chiefs are in town, and the city cannot wait.

Neither can I. The last time a Soweto giant swaggered into Harry Gwala, they limped off with countless tails firmly wedged between their legs.

Pirates, with an AWOL Teko Modise, were gobbled up by the Team of Choice in glorious fashion, and despite being a Chiefs fan myself, I wouldn’t mind to see United having a real go.

During the said Pirates game, I was surrounded by novice whities. I sincerely hope they will return, all kitted up in their makarabas and creating unheard of notes on a vuvuzela.

It created a great spectacle, and there is nothing like our little dorpie showing these uppety Gauteng sorts how to really get behind your team.

As a self-labelled “armchair expert”, I usually exhibit as much energy as a beached seal at live sporting events, but I reckon I may shake a leg if things get lively tonight.

As exhausted as I am from unsuccesfully trying to catch a plane that I was woefully late for yesterday — I think my hamstring is now fully strung — I feel that I must do my bit out there.

Heck, it is the first time Chiefs have played a league game in Maritzburg.

The viewer ratings for Generations will take a slight hit tonight, because any fan worth his replica jersey will be at Harry Gwala.

But nothing will beat it for drama if United continue their recent form against the Soweto giants. And such a result may give the visiting journos a bit more to chew on than that kiddies-size portion of lamb cutlets.

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