The swing that golfers should avoid

2012-08-24 00:00

GOLF is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and is without a doubt the greatest outdoor game for individuals ever invented.

They say that marriage is a love/hate relationship, with the love part predominating (in most cases). Golf is also a love/hate relationship with a similar bias of love. The hate part , though, is more intense, so intense that most golfers, when they play badly, threaten to give up the game, promise to sell their clubs or throw them into the deepest dam or resign from the club.

They blame everything and everybody when they are having a nightmare round. A mentally wounded golfer is one who should be ignored and avoided and all golfers understand and know exactly how it feels.

We all know about the unwritten rule in golf that all promises and threats last only until sunset that day. Out there on the course, the wounded golfer will say: “I’m not playing this rotten game anymore, I mean never again and this time I’m serious.” All he needs to recover from this mental anguish is a couple of hours and the contents of a couple of bottles or more of amber liquid.

This gives him amnesia and before he leaves the confines of the 19th hole, he will have booked a tee-off time and organised his playing companions for a game of golf the following week, in the firm expectation of smashing a long drive down the middle as a precursor to a brilliant round of golf.

What game other than golf, from one week to the next, gives you such highs and lows, joy and misery and satisfaction and frustration? It’s just the uncertainty and the nature of the game. That’s why we love it so much.

From the 19th hole

My neighbour found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) was going deaf, so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in the dog’s ears. He removed hair from both ears and the dog was fine.

The vet told the lady that she should buy some “Nair” hair remover to rub in the dog’s ears once a month. The lady went to the pharmacy for a tube of “Nair”. At the register, the pharmacist said: “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.” The lady said: “I’m not using it under my arms.”

The pharmacist said: “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t use suntan lotion for a couple of days.”

The lady replied: “I’m not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer.”

The pharmacist said: “Well stay off your bicycle for a week or so.”

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