There is more to golf than just 18 holes

2008-11-04 00:00

Every time a golfer tees it up to play 18 holes of stroke play, he doesn’t know for sure what the next four-and-a-half hours will bring. Now there may be a few wives or sweethearts reading this and they will say, “My man is away from home longer than four-and-a-half hours!” Yes, of course he is, so allow me to explain.

He needs to get to the course early so that he feels unhurried, comfortable and relaxed. (There is nothing worse than being late and rushing to the course and the first tee.)

The golfer needs time to browse in the pro-shop, then perhaps a preliminary pint and a putt. A little practice on the chipping green is also appropriate before teeing off.

Then after the game there is the usual shower and change of apparel. After that, it’s into the bar for a chin-wag with your playing partners. Golf is called “foot-and-mouth disease”; you foot it all day and mouth it all night. Then sometimes, during the consumption of a couple of glasses of the amber liquid, world affairs and topical matters will be discussed.

Prize-giving takes place and it is after all this that your man will look at his watch and make his way home. It will be dark outside at this point, however, and if the golfer has had a successful day and has won a prize or two, there is no doubt that he will believe he has earned himself a little more time. He will stay at the club longer than he usually does because there is no doubt that getting home late with a prize is a different proposition to getting home late empty-handed. It must be the inbred caveman instinct, the man goes out hunting with sticks and balls and returns with something of value and much the better if it’s edible. That’s probably why these days with sponsored golf competitions, meat is a most popular golf prize.

Results for last weekend:

Victoria Country Club held the Bill Roberts Brokers Monthly Mug on Saturday. The A division was won by Julian Harris on net 70, Conrad Tyschen was second with net 71. The B division was won by Graham Palmer on net 67 and second was Peter Nicholas on net 69. The C division was won by Ken Will on a net 64 and second was Michael Swanepoel on net 69. The Major Mug was won by Ken Will on net 64.

Maritzburg Golf Club held the Bed Store Monthly Mug on Saturday. The A division was won by Richard Nel with a net 64, second was Faan Nkabinde on net 69. The B division was won by Gary McKenzie on net 66, second was Grumpy Furmage on net 67. The C division was won by Roger Pridmore on net 62 and second was Barry Redman on net 68.

The Captain’s Putter was won by Franz Weise with a net 87.

From the 19th hole:

A couple went to see a marriage counsellor, but numerous visits brought little success.

Suddenly, at one session, the counsellor grabbed the wife and kissed her passionately.

“There”, he said to the husband, “that’s what she needs every Monday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday.”

“Well,” replied the husband, “I can bring her here on Mondays and Wednesdays but Saturday and Sunday are my golf days.”

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