Chris Roper

The Zille, ANCYL drama

2009-05-13 09:36

Chris Roper

Well. This is a turn up for those paper things people used to read. It seems that, except for beauty, talent, education, intelligence and style, DA leader Helen Zille is an exact carbon copy of ANCYL-biters leader Julius Malema.

Yes, an aghast world has been treated to a crazed Zille tirade about our beloved Dancing Prez, Supreme Leader Jacob Zuma.

These are the actual words that GodZille uttered, laced with expletives, insane grammar, wildly false accusations and racist invective:

"Zuma is a self-confessed womaniser with deeply sexist views, who put all his wives at risk by having unprotected sex with an HIV-positive woman."

Unbelievable! That someone, especially someone who is suspiciously blonde, can use such inflammatory language in this day and age! The measured response from the ANCYL-biters (or African National Congress Youth League, for any foreign devils reading this), was the following gentle reproof:

We are "disgusted by remarks attributed to the racist girl Helen Zille, who when failing to defend her stupid and sexist decision to appoint predominantly white males into her Cabinet, attacks the President of the Republic of South Africa.

"Zille has appointed an all male Cabinet of useless people, majority of whom are her boyfriends and concubines so that she can continue to sleep around with them, yet she claims to have the moral authority to question our President."

'Fantastic feminist agenda'

As unwilling as I am to criticise the logic, restraint and acumen of the ANCYL-biters, I should just point out to them that they appear to have misunderstood Zille's statement about her relationship with her Cabinet.

Lads, when she says it's Platonic, she doesn't in fact mean she's shagging Cape Town's new philosopher-mayor Dan Plato.

Ah, the ANCYL-biters and their fantastic feminist agenda. The untrained observer will probably notice that, "ironically" (to use a racist term), the ANCYL-biters Exco is entirely male.

But happily, it's littered with feminists, such as Supreme MiniMe Julius Malema, famous for his poststructuralist analysis of behavioural norms among ANC slags. ("When a woman didn't enjoy it, she leaves early in the morning. Those who had a nice time will wait until the sun comes out, request breakfast and ask for taxi money.")

But still... maybe one token chick on the Exco would have been better. Oh god! I said chick! I forgot that the feminist ANCYL-biters have banned that word as derogatory, ever since the Nando's ad. (Oh, my mistake. As pointed out by reader Rudi, there is a woman on the exco, they just don't use her picture on their proudly male masthead.)

But enough of that debate. It just detracts the world's attention from the evil utterances of Helen Zille. But wait. Some pundits are claiming that Zille brought up the unfortunate history of Jacob Zuma precisely for this reason.

"Rather than try to enter into a genuine debate on the representivity (sic) of her Cabinet," Patrick Craven Cosatu's spokesperson said on Tuesday, "she has tried to deflect attention from these serious allegations with a disgraceful, and totally irrelevant, slur against President Jacob Zuma. "

He's got a point. Why does Helen Zille have an all-male Cabinet? Well, not all male. Fairly importantly, the leader is a woman. Or "lady", as new Cape mayor Dan Plato refers to them.

Rile up the ANCYL-biters

But if you're in the market for deflecting attention, you need only get the ANCYL-biters riled up. Calling Zille a "fake racist girl" is hardly the way to establish your feminist credentials.

Telling the world that you're going to bliksem her if she doesn't learn her place, is not really the way to get women (many of whom eat chicken!) to embrace you as defenders of freedom.

But the real giveaway is when you claim that South Africa "will never be a Mickey-mouse republic like she wants to portray it". That would be so much more effective a gibe if you could actually spell Mickey Mouse.

Not that I insist on correct spelling in a country where English is only one of eleven official languages. But in an official communication to the world, one that you expect to be taken seriously, can't you make it look less like the petulant spewings of a sugar-maddened child?

I mean, come on. You can spend thousands of rands on parties, but you can't fork out a couple hundred for a copy editor? No wonder nobody takes you seriously until you threaten them with violence, sorry, "militant action".

Chris Roper blogs on Join my Facebook group, or follow me on Twitter @@ChrisRoperZA.

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