Colleen Figg

No jacket? No problem

2008-07-18 09:43

Colleen Figg

After I wrote my column on online dating, I received a number of replies from men who mentioned that many women they had dated wanted (expected?) sex on the first date and that the majority of these women preferred to have sex without a condom.

This came as a revelation to me as I would have expected the women to (a) be more reserved about immediate sex and (b) to insist on protection when having sex with a stranger.

The no condom business startled me more than the sex on first date business; perhaps a part of me expected that in today's fast paced world, sex would become a commodity to be used and exchanged as soon as possible to establish some kind of control over a situation. But with the glaring, relentless exposure we have had to the Aids pandemic, I was amazed that anyone would consider not using a condom.

I then began to wonder whether it might be a white person's perception that Aids is still a gay disease, or that it affects black people more than those of other races, because I could not find a reasonable explanation looking at the situation from any other angle.

Unless these women got hopelessly smashed on the first date, to the extent we are no doubt all familiar with, where what was imperative before now becomes an option that can easily take the back seat, I can't see how they could wave away the condom. I mean that's sexual Russian Roulette. (This scenario would mean that the places these people meet are packed to the gills with drunken women staggering all over the show, doesn't seem likely).

Then I questioned whether the vast majority of people are on a self-destructive binge and simply do not care whether they die of Aids, or whether the whole which-chamber-is-the-bullet-in thing might add a rush of sexual excitement.


I contemplated how careful most women seem to be when meeting internet friends for the first time, letting their siblings or best friends know where they are going and with whom, when they'll be back and other pertinent details of that nature; in case they meet another Bundy or some kind of lunatic that wants to eat them for supper. We are all familiar with the rules for Meeting Your Internet Crush for the First Time, I think.

And I figured that this particular care for their physical person simply does not gel with their careless abandon when it comes to contracting Aids. Condoms are cheap, in fact they are free if you are really pressed for money.

They make no material difference to the sensations of sex on the part of the woman, the men do not appear to be pressing for them not to be used, so why oh why are the women?

I'll be happy to receive some answers from my readers, if you have been in such a situation or if you can shed any light onto this dangerous phenomenon, then please place your X in my box (anonymity guaranteed, this is the internet).

Send your comments to Colleen.

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