David Moseley

Leaks from a doctors' Whatsapp group

2014-08-19 11:53

David Moseley

Dr Alban
"Hello Dr Jordan, tell me how you're doing?"

Dr Jordan
"Not good, Dr Alban. Not good. The people of South Africa have discovered that I'm a fraud. I've been forced to resign and now ANC comrades only address me as Comrade Pallo Jordan, and no longer Doctor Comrade Pallo Jordan."

Dr Alban
"What a shame Dr Jordan, but why didn't you just tell the people it's your life, take it or leave it. They should stop bugging you, stop bothering you."

Dr Jordan
"I don't mind really, Dr Alban. All I did was hand out Panado at Luthuli House and write absentee notes for ANC parliamentarians. It's a relief really, though I hope I get to keep the stethoscope and the little hammer for hitting peoples knees."

Dr No
"Then why did you join this group, Dr Jordan?"

Dr Jordan
"I suppose you expect me to talk, Dr No."

Dr No
"No Dr Jordan, I expect you to cry. It's the least you could after being found out."

Dr Dre
"That's a bit unfair, Dr No. Though it is a pity Dr Jordan has resigned, because right now I need a doctor, call me a doctor, I need a doctor, doctor to bring me back to life."

Dr Jordan
"Uh, you okay Dr Dre, or are your writing from beyond?"

Dr Dre
"I need a doctor, call me a doctor. I need a doctor, doctor to bring me back to life."

Dr Evil
"Someone just get him a frickin' doctor. Even if it's a frickin' evil doctor, with frickin' lazers.”

Dr Dre
"I need a doc…"

Dr Evil, Dr Jordan, Dr No, Dr Alban
"Shut up, Dre!"

Dr Seuss
"But Dr Jordan, now that the truth is out, oh, the places you'll go! Congratulations!
Today is your day. You're off to great places! You're off and away!"

Dr Jordan
"Thanks Dr Seuss. Your words are very comforting, but the only place I'll be accepted now is the University of the Free State, and everyone knows that Bloemfontein is a career dead end."

Dr Evil
"The only thing to do Dr Jordan is to hold the ANC government to ransom, for one million rand. I've been a frickin' evil doctor for 30 frickin' years. That plan always works.”

Dr Khumalo
"I say we all take some time off and go kick a ball around."

Dr Pepper
"Or enjoy a nice, cool, fizzy drink…"

Dr Noakes
"Have you guys tried Banting?"

Dr Pepper, Dr Khumalo, Dr Evil, Dr Jordan, Dr Seuss, Dr Alban, Dr Dre
"Get the fuck off this group, Noakes. We don't want any crackpots on here…"

Dr Noakes
"But the caulimash is to die for…"

Dr Pepper left group
Dr Khumalo left group
Dr Evil left group
Dr Jordan left group
Dr Seuss left group
Dr Alban left group
Dr Dre left group

Dr Dre joined group

Dr Dre
"I need a doctor…"

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