Jean Barker

Trump will be fired

2015-07-24 12:54

Jean Barker 

I frequently don’t expect Americans I befriend to be conservative, but occasionally a friend outs themselves as conservative. Not conservative like the KKK creeps, just regular Republican conservative.

Some of them know more about politics than others. Some of them know nothing, but they’re American, so they still have an opinion. They like to watch a little Fox News, and will repeat whatever they can remember the next day.  Loudly.

So, the other weekend, I was innocently hanging out with one of those. He’s a nice guy. A very nice guy. I dig him. We were drinking beer in a swimming pool. It was the July 4. Thirty-seven degrees Celsius in the shade. We’ve known each other a good few months, but never talked politics before, because that’s also possible in America, not like at home.

We were chatting about GOP hopefuls, and I said: “I love Donald Trump. I hope he runs.”  What I meant was that Trump is hilarious. I also meant that he is making the Republicans look really stupid, and helping my team win. Even Bernie Sanders could run against Trump and win, because independents, and moderate Republicans, would rather vote for anyone but Trump.

He misunderstood me: “Yes! Me too!” he said, lighting up. “He’s a real person! He’s a businessman! He knows how to get things done! He says what he believes!”

Flabbergasted, I had to explain that no, I was joking. It would have been awkward if there weren’t a lot more beer left. 

Why it won’t work out

Sadly, there’s a way Donald Trump, who branded Mexican immigrants rapists and criminals, and who mocked McCain’s wartime heroism, will actually win the Republican nomination, let alone become President of the USA.

Now I know I’ve been wrong about politics in the past. I thought there was no way Zuma would ever be president of South Africa. Back in the days when I supported the ANC in the KZN, even then, when I wanted to love him, I saw Zuma as undiplomatic, sexist and well… not too bright.

I was wrong – he wound up embarrassing us as our head of state for many years, and continues to do so pretty much every time he opens his gob.

But things work differently in the USA, simply because it’s not ever quite clear which party is going to win the election.  In South Africa, we know it will be the ANC. We pretend we don’t know, but we know. We always know. It doesn’t seem to matter how moronic the presidential candidate is – the ANC wins, anyhow.

In America, it’s different.

The battle between the parties, and the presidential race, is always very close, so a party’s chances of winning the election depend on the success of the candidate in the various (insanely complicated and long-winded) layers of voting procedures through which candidates are being selected to run in the big 2016 presidential race.

That’s what’s going on now – they’re competing to be selected, and it’s the most fun thing ever, because literally any lunatic with a few thousand bucks to spend on airfares and fees can (and has) run for the GOP presidential nomination. The Democratic candidates are all clinically sane, but the GOP, as usual, has given us a feast of crazies, with Donald Trump just the best desert ever.

Donald Trump is wondrous because his strategy seems to be to compete for the 20% of American voters who are bat shit crazy. He’s almost there – at 18% in the polls, and climbing.

All he has to do to get this Bat Shit Crazy Vote to tell someone on the telephone that they’d vote for him is appeal to their ignorance, and fears by being the loudest bully in the playground. He’s like the Nigerian preacher, abusing God by telling the poor he feeds off that Jesus gave him money and fame, and claiming that if they give him their cash, they’ll get some too. He’s openly racist, like about 20-odd% of the people who filled out this poll on racism in America, and pretty sexist too.


But even in America, even as a Republican, even though Dubya somehow made it by cheating in Florida… even if he, too, cheated in Florida somehow… Donald Trump is flat out unelectable.

He will never gain consensus. Sure, 20% of Americans are bat shit crazy, but unfortunately for Trump, 51% of Americans are only slightly crazy, and definitely not crazy enough to vote for him. He simply can’t keep his foot out of his mouth long enough to win the trust of a blind Labrador.

So even the GOP can’t afford to put their name to this buffoon. They’ll look for one candidate who can draw the voters who’re currently split between all the candidates who’re not Trump. Probably Bush, and maybe Walker. All of them are just no fun, no fun at all, but at least they stand a chance against Hilary Clinton.  

Jean earned an MFA in Directing and Screenwriting and works in the LA film industry. She tweets as @jeanbarker and blogs pictures of signs and more, here. She will be back.

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News24 encourages freedom of speech and the expression of diverse views. The views of columnists published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24.


Why I fear for South Africa

2017-12-13 08:43

Why I fear for South Africa

2017-12-13 08:43

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