Not many people know what a sexologist does, and the connotation around it is not always positive.I get asked almost every time I meet somebody new, why sexology? And I often get asked, “ooh can I be your guinea pig for your case studies?” I grew up in a conservative home with a strong Christian upbringing in Durban. However I was fortunately allowed to have my own opinion and attitude around life. Coupled with this I was very outgoing and really loved pushing the boundaries. After my first sexual experience in my 20s, I realised that besides having a natural zest for life, I loved the feeling that this gave me and wanted the world to feel the same. From here I was more and more curious about sex and found it incredibly odd that some people didn’t enjoy the most amazing experience. They should be overjoyed with something that produces endorphins and dopamine after all. Who wouldn’t want natural happy pills?Human behaviour was something that interested me greatly; in particular relationships. It was through these two focuses in my life that my interest in sexology got triggered.Something that surprised and excited me in the beginning was how open and ready most people are once they find out that I study sexology (and what it really means) and the eagerness at which they want to improve their sex lives. Or their eagerness to resolve past issues preventing a fulfilling sex life. I’m a very open and approachable person and my experience has only been one of positivity when I speak about my studies. This tells me the need for this in people’s lives. That got me thinking about the psyche behind sex and why people have a puritanical belief that sex is bad or a duty. I believed that reasons for the disregard and avoidance of sex is typically (a) physical (sexual abuse, injury, erectile dysfunction, bleeding/burning, endometriosis or other infections); (b) emotional (relationships, grief/loss, divorce, emotional abuse, panic); (c) mental (worry, porn addiction, lower libido, prevented from asking what you want); (d) vicarious (exposure to negative sexual influences and environment); (e) compassionate (listening to family/friends’ influences – society influence); or (f) generational (trauma that gets passed on culturally). This spurred an obsession with what makes us experience sex differently. What past trauma could’ve happened to rewire their brain patterns? More importantly, what could I do to correct that behaviour? Through this, I’ve heard the most amazing stories of people who have recovered using this. Stories such as someone raped at a younger age, finding healing through this process and then being able to experience a healthy normal sex life afterwards. Since then I’ve been exposed to quite a huge number of people with past traumas that have affected them in such a way that they can only experience orgasms through pain, or abusive behaviour such as BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism & masochism). It’s not often people get to live out their passion and as mentioned my passion lies in teaching people how to have the best relationship with sex. I identify what is preventing this then heal them in order to experience sex and passion in the best possible way which can only make a person happy after all.Do you have a story to share? Send it to email@example.com include your contact details and a photo. Visit Landisa for more stories.