Max du Preez

Long live the NDR!

2010-02-03 09:03

Long live the National Democratic Revolution, long live!

I agree with the comrades of the ANC. We really do need a revolution in South Africa, and we need it now.

It needs to be a national revolution involving the whole nation and all spheres of our national life, and it certainly needs to be democratic. Isn't that why they call it the NDR?

I do think, though, that the ANC has been a bit vague about what that revolution should entail. It is time for us to redefine the NDR.

I think we should have a revolution against lazy, inefficient and over-paid executive mayors and local government officials.

We the revolutionaries should round up all these parasites and force them to fix all the potholes in our streets, remove the refuse and fix the sewerage works while we watch.

Radical measures

We should have a revolution against the practice that inept, corrupt heads of para-statals like Eskom, the SAA, Denel, the SABC and the Land Bank should get massive golden handshakes - some R300m over the last decade - when they're eventually kicked out.

We revolutionaries should demand that new contracts for these positions stipulate that they pay back 50% of their salaries when they're sacked to compensate for the damage they had done.

We should have a revolution against the practice of cadre deployment. If any civil servant anywhere is caught with a party membership card, he/she should be sacked on the spot.

Our revolution should take radical measures against government corruption.

As is the practice in countries like Burkina Faso, we should charge corrupt officials before tribunals in public places so they would be publicly humiliated as thieves of the poor people's money.

Talking about public humiliation: we the revolutionaries should fetch parliament's chairman of the portfolio committee on sport, Butana Komphela, from his office and force him to run around the track at Newlands Rugby Stadium during a Super 14 match until he collapses.

Komphela, SACP leader Blade Nzimande and all political youth formation leaders should from now on only be allowed to communicate using sign language.

All white racists found guilty of hate speech should be forced to do community work in their closest black squatter camp, and black racists should be sentenced to work in Orania.

The revolution should determine that all political parties' youth formations have an age limit of 25 years for members and that all leaders of such formations should at least have passed woodwork in matric.

The new NDR should decree that public representatives would only be allowed to have two wives and four children each.

New law

All minibus taxi drivers should be re-educated at a special charm school run by Patricia Lewis.

All BMWs on our roads should be nationalised, donated to the struggling people of Zimbabwe and replaced by 125cc scooters.

Mayors, premiers and cabinet ministers should be limited to driving cars with a maximum engine capacity of 1.4 litres.

We should proclaim a new law making it compulsory for all Bafana Bafana players to use steroids and at least one other performance-enhancing drug.

Henceforth all rugby, cricket and soccer coaches should be elected by national referendum.

I do believe that our country will be a much better place after this national democratic revolution. Viva.

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