Ask Sis Dolly: he depresses me

By Pheto Ramakobya
25 February 2016

I’m 21 and in love with a 39-year-old guy.

I love him but we’ve had our ups and downs. He cheated on me many times and I once contracted a sexually transmitted disease from him, but I forgave him.

Whenever he makes a mistake he doesn’t apologise – I have to apologise before he does.

I once found him with a girl in his room and asked her to leave, but he offered her his car to drive when she did.

I still forgave him. Since then, whenever I want to spend the weekend with him he says he doesn’t want me to come and I should stop going

to his place because he’ll book a room for us when he wants to be with me.

I was very hurt and tried to commit suicide and ended up in hospital three times.

He visited me only once while I was in hospital and now I’m not even sure if we’re back together.

My love for him grows every time he makes a mistake.

Please help.

Sis Dolly answers:

You are very fragile in this relationship. I’m going to be very honest with you, though.

What more is it you need this man to do to show you that you’re not as important to him as he is to you? I’m not sure what you think is going to change and

I’m even less clear why you need to live such a life of suffering.

Your love for him increases, and your Advice suffering increases at the same time.

Who told you that you have to suffer for love? Who set this example for you when you were growing up? You deserve better than this and you deserve happiness.

Leaving him will make you happier. I promise you can’t get more miserable than you are right now.

Only you can release yourself from this awful relationship.

No one is worth taking your life for. But this guy really takes the prize for disgusting behaviour.

Unfortunately, you are allowing him to treat you badly, so you have to say “no more”.

Please contact the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) on 0800-121-314 and also look for and surround yourself with supportive friends and family.

If they’ve been telling you he’s bad news, they’ve been right and there’s no shame in telling them they were right and asking them to support you in staying away

from him.

Find Love!