BRA MO: Are we suffering from the sins of our parents?

By Drum Digital
15 November 2013

Now you are a grown up. Your ID states that you are an adult, but you carry on as a child.

YOU used to see your father drag his drunken body through the doors in the middle of the night. You used to see your mother constantly shout and cry from his despicable behaviour. Your father didn’t hug you nor tell you that he loves you. The only time you felt his hand was when it smacked your face or bum. Why, because, black men never show their feelings.

When you grew up no one took you through the steps of how you should treat a woman. You had to learn it from your friends, American movies and Hip-Hop music. All that you learned was that a woman is a possession, a thing that needs to be treated anyway you like.

Why? Because a man is a king, a beast in his own jungle and given the size of his bulging pocket; he can sleep around as much as he likes. You were never thought how to be a man.

You have a woman, perhaps you are married. There is a child or two and you have told yourself you will never be like your father. However you are slowly turning into the monster that you once lived with. You cheat on your woman. Why? Because that is what men do . . .

You keep the contacts of girls on your phone and when you have the itch you call them for a quickie or a session. You have another girlfriend, side plate, makwapheni or whatever you want to call her. Why?

Why is it a ridiculous notion to stick to one partner? I understand that there are a lot of beautiful women out there and God has made our lives very difficult, but it doesn’t mean that you need to act on the things that make you salivate. Monogamy is challenging, but utterly rewarding, whereas multiple relationships, at a time are fun, but often lead to disaster.

If you suffer from cheating and would like to curb it, here are suggestions:

  • Find the Root of the Problem: Men cheat for numerous reasons. Yet whether it’s due to the lack of fun in your current relationship or simply because you enjoy the thrill, you first have to pinpoint the reason why you’re doing it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to finding a solution that works for you.
  • Prioritize Your Social Schedule: Change your routines. Do you typically fall victim to attractive women you meet at happy hour? Then skip out on social events, turn down invitations to drinks, and spend time around people you find less tempting (yes, I am serious). Do your desires often wander when you stumble upon alluring girls you meet online? Then quit the Web cold turkey: No more dating sites. No more Facebook. And no more live chats on your favourite porn channels.
  • Upgrade Your Social Network: Even though staying out until 3 a.m. every weekend with the guys seems like innocent fun, you need to cool it. For starters, that environment at that hour is simply too tempting if you’re drunk. It won’t help if your friends support your cheating habits. Your fix: Meet new people in less toxic environments, like a gym.

At the end of the day you have to live with the decisions that you make. Hopefully they are decisions you can be proud of.

Find Love!