Chester Missing looks back on SA's crazy year of politics

By Drum Digital
16 December 2015

He was full of Christmas cheer at seeing a jam-packed year of South African politics come to a close.

Going from coloured to white in 2015 has not slowed down puppet Chester Missing’s pace at all.

Few public figures were spared as he and his puppeteer Conrad Koch addressed the Cape Town Press Club in Newlands on Tuesday afternoon.

Koch asked the almost all-white crowd to give the puppet love like an Economic Freedom Fighter (EFF) member "just got his overalls".

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the most successful black puppet outside of the Democratic Alliance (DA)," Koch said to applause.

Missing emerged with blue eyes and a mop of blonde hair, saying he had spent the entire day in a suitcase in the dark, doing nothing,

"It felt like I was working at Eskom."

The naughty puppet’s favourite targets were Western Cape Premier Helen Zille and EFF leader Julius Malema.

Malema recently criticised late president Nelson Mandela while on a tour in the United Kingdom.

Missing retorted: "Mandela spent 27 years in jail. Julius looks like he spent seven years in Krispy Kreme. Umkhonto we doughnut."

He said Malema looked like he was "eating" farms, not nationalising them.

"It’s like he thinks a revolution is a shape."

The puppet could not resist donning spectacles, a blonde bob, an African print dress and a bandana, for his impression of former DA leader Zille.

In a deep voice, he addressed the crowd in English, Afrikaans and Xhosa simultaneously.

"Does anyone here have any marijuana?" Missing mimicked. "I smoke marijuana and then I tweet."

The Zille puppet was asked what the DA was doing to help poor people. "We are helping them to cycle and recycle. They cycle to work and then recycle home again."

And the Zille puppet said it was not true that the party would bring apartheid back.

"Anyone who lives in Cape Town knows that the DA will never bring back apartheid because it never left."

Missing did not skip a beat when commenting on SA Broadcasting Corporation COO Hlaudi Motsoeneng.

"His raise was higher than the matric pass."

And the puppet felt Speaker of Parliament Baleka Mbete had memory problems.

"She is the only person to not recognise you and say your name at the same freaking time. 'Honourable Malema, I do not recognise you.'"

But there was still a lot going for the country, he quipped.

"We got gay marriage before America, we got a black president before America. We even got Trevor Noah before America. What did they get before us? Ebola and Donald Trump."

Source: News24

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