How to fight fair

By Drum Digital
19 November 2014

Here are some tips on how to keep the fights clean.

There are few things more difficult than trying to stay civil when you're livid but this balancing act is of the utmost importance when you're in a committed relationship.

At times it's the things we say in a moment of heated anger that stay with our partners for a long time.

Here are some tips on how to keep the fights clean:

Speak with love

Starting a sentence with “I've had it with your sh*t because” or “Why do I always have to repeat myself?”  isn't a good place to start those important chats.

Instead, try: “I love you, but I’m going a little crazy so I need to say this” or “I know we've been over this before, but I feel some things are still unresolved.”

Always  choose to speak with love.

Consider your timing

If it’s not going to destroy your relationship if you don’t say it right then, you can probably stand to keep quiet one more day.

Pick a neutral fighting zone

Don't start important talks or fights when you're mid-routine as this leaves your partner feeling cornered.

You’ll both be more open to the discussion and less defensive if you’re sitting together at the table, on the couch, or maybe even in bed; and when all those fail a walk together in the open air is always helpful to clear the air in your marriage.

Have a plan of action as part of conflict resolution

What was the purpose of hashing it out if you didn't decide on what either of you can do better to keep the issue from coming up again? Think of ways you can both ACTIVELY ensure the same discussion doesn't continue to come up.

Don't say things you know you don’t mean

Packing a bag or threatening divorce or separation aren’t healthy at all. NEVER do this.  These actions simply imply that you’re willing to say whatever it takes to hurt the other person and you’re not willing to stick around and work through what’s really going on.

Prepare your thoughts

Write a list of points you’d like to get across. It’s much easier to keep your cool in an argument when you know what you really want to say and how you want to respond to what they might say.

Don't give up

You don’t have to go to bed angry but if you’re both getting tired and you’re not getting the issue resolved, you can agree to sleep on what was said and continue the discussion the next day. Continue to be an item even in the midst of your disagreements.


Find Love!