Meet someone – advice for single moms

By Drum Digital
21 April 2014

Do you long for adult company between the extra lessons, sport, “Mom, what’s for supper?” responsibilities and dropping off at and fetching kids from friends’ houses? Here are practical tips if you want to meet someone.

Moms become starved for adult company and interaction if deprived of it. Single moms’ children often take up all their time and leave them little time in which to meet other adults.

Whether you’re looking for a partner or just want to make new friends, there’s no reason why single moms can’t start a new relationship or form a circle of friends.

Estelle Prinsloo, a counselor with Families South Africa (Famsa) in Johannesburg, says the two most important things to keep in mind are your safety and realistic expectations.

“Don’t expect a relationship immediately after meeting someone,” she says. “Friendship and a relationship take time, so see each other a few times and get to know each other to enable a relationship to grow.”

1.    Meet someone at gym

If you’re planning to again take on the world of first dates and the uncertainty of whether he will phone, you have to look your best. If you make the time to exercise you’ll have the confidence to meet people and perhaps also make a friend or two. Be on the lookout for those who regularly attend the same classes as you in the gym. You clearly already have a love for specific exercises in common so you might even share interests.

What to do with the children? The gym is practical because your children can go with you, says Estelle. Many large gyms have crèches where you can leave the kids. If your gym doesn’t have one, you can arrange things so your exercise times coincide with your son’s rugby training and your daughter’s ballet classes.

2.    Time in the park

You can spend quality time with your children in the park and even get to know their friends’ parents if they’re there too. Chat to fellow parents in the park about their children, hobbies and work, and exchange parenting tips and advice. This way you can befriend new people and find out if there’s a potential partner for you in the park. Don’t just talk only about children; talk about adult things – but guard against starting a relationship with one of the parents of your children’s friends. This can make children uncomfortable and may spoil their friendships if your relationship hits a dead end.

What to do with the children? In this case you won’t have to keep the children busy because they’ll probably be so busy playing they’ll forget you’re there.

3.    Click for new love

Internet romances and websites for singles may seem a challenge but they can be particularly effective and safe, provided you follow the guidelines. Set up a profile and be honest and clear about your expectations, interests and personality, but you should know what information to keep to yourself. This applies equally to details that could endanger you and personal information that could frighten off potential partners. “Just remember, you should meet someone for the first few times in a safe, public place and someone reliable should know where you are,” Estelle warns.

What to do with the children? It’s wonderful that you can go to websites for singles in the comfort of your own home where you can also keep an eye on the children.

4.    Share your interests

“Clubs and groups are probably the best places to meet people,” says Estelle. She says they serve multiple purposes because you’re doing something for yourself by spending time on your hobby, and you can also meet someone. “If you’re passionate about a sport, pastime or interest it’s possible you’ll come across people nearby who share your interest. Whether it’s knitting, long-distance running or learning new languages, join a group and meet new people. You can get together after work or on weekends and use your shared interest as an ice breaker for a friendship.

What to do with the children? Depending on your hobby, you can take your children along with you. Ten to one there will be classes for children too.

5.    Speed dating

The biggest advantage of speed dating is that even the busiest mom can find time for a quick meeting with someone. Fortunately you spend only a short time in his company, so if he bores you it’s not the end of the world. But if you’re interested in him you can arrange a longer follow-up date. With speed dating you also know the other person is looking for a relationship. Estelle suggests you invite a single female friend or another single mom to come on the date with you. “Then you don’t have to endure the date alone; you have someone there for support. It’s also safer if someone goes with you.”

What to do with the children? This is one time you’ll need a babysitter. Or you could ask a neighbour or your sister to look after your children.

However you choose to meet someone, remember that your and your children’s safety is paramount. And if you decide you’re happy without a man in your life, invite a few female friends over (let the children play together) and drink a toast to your decision.

- Mieke Vlok

Find Love!