Is your partner excessively controlling?

2015-10-08 09:37
Psychology and behavioural experts Anne Kramers-Olen, Busisiwe Siyothula and Professor Anthony Pillay.

Psychology and behavioural experts Anne Kramers-Olen, Busisiwe Siyothula and Professor Anthony Pillay. (Thabang Mathebula, The Witness)

Multimedia   ·   User Galleries   ·   News in Pictures Send us your pictures  ·  Send us your stories

Pietermaritzburg - Children need to learn appropriate problem-solving skills from a young age and should be helped to develop a healthy respect for each other, regardless of gender.

This was according to mental health experts, speaking yesterday ahead of a conference to be held at Town Hill Hospital in Pietermaritzburg today. The conference is being held to commemorate World Mental Health Day, which will be observed on Saturday.

Professor Anthony Pillay, Anne Kramers-Olen and Busisiwe Siyothula, experts in psychology and behavioural medicine, highlighted the issue of intimate partner violence.

The professionals said such violence is often perpetrated by a partner with low self-esteem. The individual feels insecure and ineffectual as a person, and will therefore use violence to maintain power and get things done their own way.

The problem escalates when they start to control their partners’ social lives, monitoring their movements, restricting their relationships with others, controlling their finances and other aspects of their life.

“As a function of their low self-esteem and need to control, they resort to physical and emotional abuse. Interpersonal disagreements occur in most relationships; the problem is how they are dealt with. Well-functioning individuals are able to resolve conflicts through discussion and communication. However, an individual who is unable to accept the partner’s point of view and insists on being in control all of the time could be a warning sign.

“Individuals who find themselves in relationships with excessively controlling or violent partners are encouraged to seek help through social or health care facilities.

“Families and friends also need to provide ongoing unconditional support, because affected women often feel trapped and paralysed in the relationship,” said Pillay, adding the problem could be averted by teaching children appropriate behaviours and skills from a young age. Among these, boys should learn to relate to girls in a way that is based on equality rather than power. “Children witnessing persistent violence in the family environment become vulnerable to repeating such behaviours in later life, because they come to see violence as the way to resolve interpersonal conflict,” said Pillay.

The theme for World Mental Health Day is “Dignity in Mental Health”.

Read more on:    pietermaritzburg  |  mental health

Join the conversation! encourages commentary submitted via MyNews24. Contributions of 200 words or more will be considered for publication.

We reserve editorial discretion to decide what will be published.
Read our comments policy for guidelines on contributions.

Inside News24


10 best dressed men of 2017

And the awards for 2017's best dressed gentlemen go to...


You won't want to miss...

How to open a beer bottle without an opener
WATCH: Man films himself going down water slide upside down as things go very wrong…
WATCH: Conor McGregor: Notorious the trailer
Best date night restaurants in South Africa
Traffic Alerts
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.