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7 reasons why women find a taken man attractive

By Faeza
31 January 2017

There are plenty of unsavoury reasons why

both men and women indulge in ‘matepoaching’.

Some do it for to boost their

ego, ‘if I can tear him away from his wife

and children then I must be really special’,

others do it because they have intimacy issues,

‘if the person can’t commit to you then you don’t

need to commit to them’.

Then there’s the reason

of simply wanting no-strings attached sex and

figuring someone who’s married is far less likely to

want anything other than sex from you if they have

someone who loves them at home.


Far more fascinating, though, are the decent people

(I assume your friends are decent people) who

confess to finding married people attractive – often

the spouses of their close friends

While these people would never actually act on

the attraction, they will admit it’s definitely there

– and feel guilty and ashamed about it. What’s the

psychology behind someone nice finding someone

who is already taken desirable, when it’s clearly not

a very nice thing to do?

People are competitive and some can’t resist a

challenge regardless of the destructive results.

‘I bet I could get him to leave her if he could have

me instead.’ Is it really true that ‘all the good ones

are taken’ – or are there more innocent reasons at

play? The answer to that is yes.

1. Animals do it

It’s called ‘mate-choice copying’ or ‘mate

poaching’: females of certain species, including

animals, fish and birds, prefer males who have been

seen with other females or mated with other females.

2. Both sexes are guilty – for different reasons

In one study, 60 percent of men, compared to

38 percent of women, admitted to attempting to

sleep with someone who was already taken.

Men are far less discriminating in their search for

sexual partners generally and will pursue women

regardless of their relationship status.

3. Married people have proven they can commit

If a man is already married, it is solid proof he

isn’t a commitment phobe and can actually follow

through on promises.

If a woman has just been dumped by yet another

guy who didn’t want to be ‘tied down’, a man who

is married is highly appealing because he has

demonstrated his capacity to commit.

He has proved he is stable and reliable – likely to

stick around when the going gets tough.

These are hugely attractive qualities to women

who’ve been let down by dodgy men who can’t

even be relied on to turn up, let alone stand by

them in a crisis.

It’s very easy for women to start idealising and

wistfully thinking: ‘If only I could clone him. Doesn’t

he have a brother? Why aren’t there more men like


4. If they know him well, they have seen first

hand how devoted he is

They are right there and can see how great a

husband he is. If he’s a nice guy, this means helping

you with the dishes, spooning baby food into your

toddler’s mouth, looking after you when you are

sick and doing the chores.

Those things are attractive to women. They have

heard from you how supportive he’s been and how

all-round fantastic he is.

If hubby senses your friends have a bit of a crush

on him, he’s on his best behaviour while they are

there – not for dodgy reasons but simply because

it’s flattering to be admired.

5. He’s become their confidant

It’s quite common for the husband or male

partner of a good friend to become the person who

deciphers all the confusing male behaviour a single

girlfriend struggles with.

He not only sheds light on what’s going on in the

murky male psyche, he invariably appears to be

one of the nice guys who would never behave like

the bastards they are complaining about.

6. He (usually) doesn’t have ulterior motives

Taken men are also appealing because they’re

not just saying those nice things to get women into

bed. His compliments seem more genuine – making

him more likable.

7. Married people are grown-ups

Almost all the statistics on single men versus

married men fall in the married man’s favour.

Married men are healthier, more likely to be

employed and more responsible: infinitely more

appealing than some guy who still lives at home

with his parents, gets his washing done by mom

and is still ‘finding his feet’ career-wise at the age

of 35. So, those might be the reasons why your

friends find him more appealing than your single

male friends. He is tried and tested.