Babies don't have to kill the romance

By admin
22 January 2014

Becoming mom and dad doesn't mean you have to stop being lovers .

According to Thuli Bottoman , a social worker at The Family Life Centre in Johannesburg even the strongest relationships can become strained by the birth of a baby.

“It isn’t really that people are falling out of love, it’s just a different stage of the relationship that involves a third person. The baby becomes the centre of attention and the father can sometimes feel out of place because the mother can become so overwhelmed by the new responsibility and the father might struggle to find his place and where he fits into the new family,” she says.

Thuli says this can start as early as during the pregnancy.

Baby blues

During pregnancy a woman’s body changes and in many cases she gains weight some men do not find this change attractive. “In some cases relationships lose their romantic element when the woman falls pregnant, some even stop having a sexual relationship with their partner even without any medical reason to do so. This puts a strain on the relationship and the woman may feel neglected and unloved by her partner because they lose that romantic connection,” she says.

The more the merrier

Once the baby is born there is very little time to do the things you used to do as a couple but inviting your partner to help you with the baby can make him feel that he‘s also part of the family and gives him a better understanding of why it really is that you don’t have as much time for him as you used to. “Men can sometimes be intimidated by how small and fragile the baby is but if your partner wants to be involved it would help your relationship as well as his relationship with the baby to involve him in the small everyday things like bathing, feeding and changing the baby. Doing this together gives you time to bond and adjust to your new relationship,” says Thuli

Getting back the romance

“Being pregnant and having a baby can make a woman feel unattractive and having the baby around also makes it difficult to take time off to take care of yourself. It’s important to take some time out to take care of yourself and feel good about yourself . If there is someone you can trust to take care of your baby take advantage of it, go to the salon and wear clothes that make you look and feel good. Going out with your partner like you used to before you had the baby can help rekindle the romance and remind you why you fell in love with them in the first place.