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Get your temper under control

By Faeza
01 July 2016

HAVE you ever been angry to a point where you felt your heart pumping very fast or do you lose your temper often and wonder why?

Are there days when you wake up angry? According to a counsellor at the Family Life Centre, Wilma Calver, feeling angry is normal. However, if it gets out of control, it might

lead to problems at home or with your friends at school.


Wilma outlines that there are a number of factors that could be causing your anger. She explains that teen years are the most difficult period that any human being can go through because lots of hormones are released in the body and brain.

“Hormones can cause mood swings and confuse emotions, causing you to react with anger

without thinking. Boys can have an extremely high level of testosterone flooding their systems.

Everything seems so unsettling and most teens find it difficult to cope with certain situations that they are frustrated with. Frustration often expresses itself as anger,” she says. She explains that if you have been a victim of abuse, be it sexual, emotional or physical, you can alsobhave anger problems.

“If you are also addicted to drugs like nyaope, you can be very agitated if you do not have money to buy more,” she says. “Anger can also be caused by guilt and blame. You often find that teens blame themselves when their parents get divorced.

They think that they are the ones who broke off the marriage even though nobody has said this to them. Each individual has different coping skills, as well as levels of maturity.”


Having anger problems might affect the relationship you have with your family and friends. Wilma says that, “relationships arenormally complicated and having one person who is unable to deal with anger issues can increase the tension within that relationship.

You can lose very close friends because they will also get tired of you”. “One of the things that you should avoid using when you are angry is social media. You can write bad things about the other person when you are feeling angry and that could harm you both,” adds. Teenagers who struggle withanger often are emotional in otherareas of their lives.


Anger and Stress Management Centre of South Africa says if you find yourself in a situation where your friend or your loved one is the one with anger problems, you must

remove yourself from the situation if they don't calm down.

They also explain that it is important to wait for a time when you are both calm to talk to about the anger problem. Don’t bring it up when one of you is still angry.

Set clear boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate.

However, put your safety first and always trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe or threatened in anyway, get away from that person and go somewhere safe.


Wilma advises that you should walk away from a situation that you see will make you angry. “If you walk away, you save yourself from saying or doing something that you will later regret.

It is simply about thinking before you act. Try to also identify what really gets to you – ask yourself if you can live with it or do you need to change your attitude towards it?”

She says that breathing deeply before you respond can help you.

“Try to distract yourself. For example, you can count backwards in threes from 30 or find a quiet space and scream,” she explains.


According to www., letting your anger issues go on unattended can put your health at risk. Some physical symptoms of anger management problems include:

¦ Tingling

¦ Heart palpitations or tightening of the chest

¦ Increased blood pressure

¦ Headaches

¦ Pressure in the head or sinus cavities

¦ Fatigue.

“Focus on the issue but do not let it take over your life. Anger can be powerful, so controlling your anger can be very challenging. It takes self-control to manage feelings of


Only deal with issues whenyou are calm.”Wilma says professional help isn’t always needed. However, if you see that your anger is getting out of control you might need to speak to a psychologist or counsellor. Talking to your teacher or your parent can also help.