He spent the first Christmas after our marriage with his girlfriend

By admin
30 December 2013

“I’m living with a pain that does not heal. My husband abused me when I was pregnant with our first son. He physically abused me because I watched TV at my neighbour’s place. He spent the first Christmas after our marriage with his girlfriend. He has chased me out of the house three times. The last time it was so serious that it involved the whole family. I moved back to the house but we agreed to stay in different rooms. While I was away he slept with his girlfriend in my bedroom. He confessed to everything and asked that I forgive him, and he said that he would change. “Now it’s hard for me to forget. I am stressed all the time and I take pain tablets every day.  “I am a strong woman – I do everything in the house, I paid cash for the furniture and I even bought myself a new car.  “The main problem is that I support him. I have tried to punish him for two weeks by not giving him money but it is too hard for me to see him struggling. I end up offering him bits of money like R100.  “I am tired of the whole situation. I want to live my life without a man. What do you advise me to do? The children understand the situation and I don’t think we should force matters because of them. They will stay or visit one of us at any time they wish.” – Sboh, Hibberdene, Margate

Hi Sboh

You’ve got no-one to blame but yourself. How can you allow this to happen? How can you still support this man, especially financially? Don’t you have better things to spend your money on?  It is time to ask this man to give you space. You must move on with your life, have fun and give your children the best in life. You are so lucky your children understand the situation. If you don’t act now, “utlallela metsotso” and your children will suffer the consequences. Is this what you want your children to go through? I think the main reason your children understand this situation is that they have had enough of this environment, enough of seeing their mother going through pain day in and day out.  I suggest that you get in touch with Lifeline on 031 312 2323. They offer support to abused women and a counsellor can advise you on how to start divorce proceedings too. The ball is now in your court. I wish you all the best