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By Faeza
22 July 2016

Worried writes:

I get worried when I look at my married friends because their lives are boring. The moment they get married, they stop having fun. The romance also vanishes. I don’t want this for myself. If married life is like this, then I’d rather not get married. Why does this happen?

Linda Yende responds

My wife and I, along with a few of our married friends, are on a mission to try to dispel this myth about marriage. All the things that you said, we have seen and we asked ourselves the same question. We also looked around and found couples who proved this myth wrong. We have many friends who are still the best of friends, who love each other’s company, and who have a lot of fun together. They are still playful, silly with each other and they have a lot of sex.


Forget what everybody else is doing. Be happy, loving and playful. Be all the things that you are right now. That is how you keep your marriage and each other exciting. Keep yourselves interesting and behave as you did when you started dating. It’s understandable that when you are married, you need to be practical and matured. But whatever you do, don’t forget to have fun. Be yourself when you are with your partner. This is the one person you should always be allowed to be yourself with. Whatever you enjoy doing now, individually and as a couple, keep doing it once you are married.


One crucial thing that I would tell you to do is to make time for each other. Sometimes work schedules get hectic and the pressure kicks in. So it’s important to have time that belongs to only you and your partner. Spend at least two hours a day where it’s just the two of you. You should also have at least one day in a week where you just focus on yourselves and forget about other things.


Make a conscious decision that you will have fun with each other in your marriage. Create opportunities to do all the fun things you both enjoy doing. Stop saying things like, “We’re just too busy.” Next time will become next time. And before you know it, a month would have passed without you giving each other attention. Treat each other with the urgency of people who have just met. The truth is, if you don’t, you’ll regret it. We all meet new people every day. And those new people do treat us like we have just met them. They find us fascinating, funny and attractive. Always remember that your spouse fell in love with this fun, interesting person when they met you. Why would you turn into a different person once you are married?


We need to get that same excitement at home. If we don’t, we will suddenly be enticed by all the attention that we are getting out there. Most importantly, please never ever feel the need to suddenly be this serious and grown-up person at home. Remain the same person you have always been. Home should actually be the one place that you can be totally yourself. The moment you are forced to go elsewhere to be yourself, you have problems