How to move on after getting your heart broken

By Faeza
06 January 2017

Hopeless writes:

WAS with my ex for three horrible years. During this time, he lied, cheated and broke my heart more times than I care to remember. The last straw was when he snuck off with one of the guests at my birthday party held at our house. We caught them at it in the backyard. I guess the very public nature of this and the humiliation was the final straw for me. I had to end that relationship before it totally destroyed me. But how do I go on, though? How do I deal with the pain that this man has caused me? How do I start afresh? Where do I even begin? I built my world around this man, now he’s gone. Will I ever believe in love again? Does true love really exist? Can I ever be happy when I built my world around this man and all he did was destroy my selfesteem? Please help me get over this. I really need a fresh start!

Linda Yende responds:

WELL done for finally having the courage to walk away from this bad relationship. You really should have left a long time ago, from the sound of it. The longer you stay in a bad relationship, the more damage you do to yourself, your self-esteem and your future trust in

people that you will date.


So, in this case, as much as you may have stayed too long in this relationship, the good news is that you eventually got the courage to walk away. You have taken that first step and now it’s time to start the healing process. A relationship is not your life and it

should not define you. We are often too concerned with what people have to say. Sometimes we stay in a bad relationship because we are afraid that people will say things like, “She can’t keep a man”. It's sad that sometimes the people saying this are the ones who are also in miserable relationships but they are enduring it all just because they

want to prove a point that they can keep a man. These people are living a lie and are giving relationships a bad name.


Have you noticed how people have become so sceptical lately? When they see you happy in a relationship or marriage, the first assumption they make is, “I bet they are faking it. I bet they are secretly miserable. I bet they are always fighting behind closed doors.” The world has stopped believing in true love and true happiness. This is because some people have made the world doubt love and happiness. The point I'm trying to make here is: true love and true happiness do exist. It’s not always smooth sailing but when the good outweighs the bad, you learn to count it all as joy. You stay in a relationship when there are more happy days than sad ones. You don’t stick around in a bad relationship because “no relationship is perfect”. True love really is possible and it exists. But don’t search for it in the wrong places. Don’t search for love in every man that you meet because sadly, you will see it even where it doesn’t exist. In fact, don’t search for love at all. Just let it find you.

Have you ever seen, in movies, how somebody gets stranded in the desert and because of the heat and the dehydration, they start seeing a mirage of an oasis where there is none? Don’t let your desperation and thirst start making you see an oasis where none exists. Let love find you.


Now, let me tell you what you need to do to move on. Be sad, mourn the loss and cry. But also vow that once you are done crying, there will be no more tears. Your life is better off

without him. So what do you do when you have just walked out from a bad relationship? Be fabulous, go out and have fun. Do things that you enjoy either by yourself or with friends. When you have sad moments, don’t fight them, but also don’t allow yourself to wallow in self pity. Remember, it’s good riddance. We are happy he is gone, right? Let’s

celebrate the departure of your ex. You won’t be ready for your next relationship until you stop crying over your ex. So, the sooner you stop crying over him, the sooner you can

move on.


In the meantime, though, celebrate you. Love yourself and be totally okay with being on your own. Work on you and loving yourself more. Groom yourself, dress up, join a gym

and take on a hobby. Be the best you can be. Be awesome