The real reason women cheat

By Faeza
02 November 2016

Confused from Pretoria writes:

I AM in my mid-thirties and I have been involved with the same man for the last four

years. He is in his late thirties and has a son. At first, everything was perfect and we decided to move in together two years ago. Things started to change about a year-and-a-half ago. I feel that he is taking advantage of my kindness. We live with his son so I’ve

taken over the mommy role even though I don’t have kids of my own. I enjoy being a stepmom but my problem is that his son has become my only family. He leaves

us alone all weekend and no longer has time for me. He never notices me and hardly lasts 10 minutes when we make love. On the rare occasion that he is home, he is working. Even the child has started asking me questions about his movements. This situation made me cheat on him last year but I stopped the affair after three months. It was the most fun I’ve ever had in recent times. I’m now considering cheating again because it seems

like it’s the only way I will ever get a compliment from a man or better yet, an orgasm.

Linda Yende responds: 

IN GENERAL, it is really not in a woman’s nature to cheat. Needless to say, there will always be exceptions to the rule and yes, some women just love the thrill of ball-chasing. But generally, women get pushed towards cheating. Let’s start with the exceptions, and get them out of the way. There are two types: The first type is the ones that are just never happy with one man. They prefer multiple partners and enjoy the thrill of juggling men. Sometimes this is just a phase for these women and sooner or later they revert to becoming monogamous. The second type is the type of women who have men who fulfill

different portfolios in their lives, such as minister of finance, minister of entertainment and minister of transport. They often don’t even like to sleep with all these men and will put it off for as long as possible because many of these women do have one guy whom they consider as the real boyfriend. Usually this is a man closer to their own age and he is still finding his feet so he is unable to cater for all their wants and needs. So this real

boyfriend ends up being the provider of love and sex. Most of the ministers know about this man, which gives the woman time and an excuse when she is unavailable because she can just claim to be with the real boyfriend.


Now that those are out of the way, let’s focus on the majority of women who cheat – the ones that get pushed to it. I have often said that it is really not in a woman’s nature to cheat. Women want to settle down and be comfortable. And they will sit there and endure

all sorts of rubbish in the name of a comfortable home life. But for most guys, once they realise that they are comfortable, they will start taking their women for granted. They will go out and cheat, spend countless evenings drinking with the boys and throw themselves

completely into their work. They will feel that as long as they are providing for you, then you have nothing to complain about. They will start neglecting you, the compliments will stop completely and the love-making will stop being lovemaking. Instead, he will come home late at night drunk and expect you to be there to offer him sex. You may even

discover an infidelity or two but you will forgive him and stand by your man hoping for things to change.


I have often been asked if a man’s poor performance in bed can lead a woman to cheat and to answer that question: it depends. Women are tolerant and very forgiving so if a man is decent and makes an effort but he is just under equipped in bed, a woman will overlook it. On the other hand, if a man does not care about her feelings and only wants to satisfy his own orgasm, he is asking for trouble. It is only a matter of time before his woman meets someone who makes her feel loved and special. Once a woman is pushed, she will cheat. Initially it may just be an innocent flirtation but as a woman, you may start to realise that if a man’s words can make you feel good then chances are his body can make you

feel even better. So inevitably, you will be smitten with this guy and find yourself cheating on your man. While you are with the side dish you suddenly get a spring in your step and

you start to glow. Sometimes your man might notice all this and step up his game. The problem is: what if you fall in love with this new man or he falls in love with you while you

have no intention of leaving your real boyfriend? So instead of cheating, if you are not

planning to leave your man, rather deal with the root of all your problems