What to do when your partner is bad in bed

By Faeza
04 May 2017

IT doesn’t matter if your views on sex are conservative or very liberal, or whether you

believe in waiting until marriage or not. When it comes to sex, the general consensus is that it needs to be great and satisfying for both partners. But what happens when you

want it good, and all your partner can deliver is below average?


We all have different expectations of what makes sex great or bad. However, there is no denying that there are some building blocks to making sex pleasurable, like investing in foreplay, being romantic, setting the mood and making sex more of an experience than the act itself. For sex to be enjoyable, we need to get in the mood, which increases anticipation and ultimately, excitement at the thought of doing the deed. American sexologist, Dr Jennifer Berman, says that foreplay makes sex better and helps improve your relationship.

“Foreplay helps to maintain intimacy, not only physical intimacy but also emotional intimacy,” she says. Dr Jennifer adds that the other benefit of foreplay is that over time when life gets in the way – in terms of our kids, work and stress – it allows us to maintain

a connection with our partners. Foreplay is about making your partner hot and includes activities like kissing, oral sex, fondling and hugging – anything that can stimulate your partner before the main act. This can also include sexy text messages. If he thinks foreplay is a waste of his time, tease him with sexy messages telling him how much you want him, and what he has to do to you to get it.


Perhaps he is a one-minute man, or he lasts but he is not as well hung as you would like

him to be. Ian Kerner, an internationally acclaimed sexologist whose books She Comes First and He Comes Next are considered some of the most important sexual literature, says that when couples stop treating oral sex as a side show and making it the main show,

the quality of their sex life will improve. He won’t stop coming too soon but when he

focuses on making the most out of the clitoris as a pleasure zone that has 8 000 nerve endings, you will get your sexual satisfaction. “The tongue is mightier than the sword, especially when it comes to clitoral stimulation,” he writes in She Comes First. “Even porn star Ron Jeremy, in possession of the famous 10-inch member, observed, ‘More women have gotten off with my tongue than with my manhood’.”


Being open-minded has been known to benefit sexual experiences. This means being open to new experiences. These can be toys that you can both enjoy or experiences that you have not tried before, like erotic massages and adding more positions to your sexual routine. Couples should also communicate openly. “Couples must work together and be innovative in making love fun and interesting,” says sexologist, Dr Babalwa Funda ka Mabhoza. Did you know that the clitoris has 18 parts? It’s the only part of the body that only exists to serve a sexual function.