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Why it will hurt you more if you cling to a man who does not show you love in return

By Faeza
24 March 2017

Confused lover writes:

I’VE been in a relationship with my partner for five years but the last two have

been hell. My partner disrespects me and sometimes doesn’t sleep at home for the

whole weekend. When I ask him about his whereabouts, he tells me to mind my own business. I’m committed to this man and wonder if I’ll cope if I leave him. My friends also keep telling me that, “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know”. I wash, iron, clean and cook for him but he doesn’t appreciate it. Instead, he verbally abuses me and criticises my weight, clothes and job. I can see that he has affairs with other women, but it’s hard to walk away. Deep down in my heart, I know that he won’t marry me even

if I stick around for another five years. Is there something wrong with me?

Linda Yende responds:

TOO many people refuse to let go of the worst relationships known to mankind, simply

because they just can’t face a new life on their own. So regardless of how bad the relationship is, their comfort is that they are in a relationship. They believe in the saying, “half-a-loaf is better than no bread at all”.


The problem with the half-loaf that you do have is that it’s killing you slowly. This relationship is bad for you and it’s doing more harm than good. The irony is that most women who are in these kind of relationships are the most loyal people in the world. These kind of women won’t leave until they have a new relationship to fall back on. But most of the time, they will never even have a new relationship because they don’t believe in cheating. They will never ever let a new, good man into their lives because they are still holding on to the bad one. This remains true of everything in life; you need to let go of the bad things in order to let in the greatness that is destined for you.


If you have an awful past, stop clinging to it because it’s just clouding your present and your future. It doesn’t matter what you have been through in the past, it shouldn’t ruin your future. Let it go. Walk away from your difficult and painful past. As a man, the last thing I want is to get into a relationship with a woman who is still sad about what an ex-partner did because I fear that she will take out all the anger on me. I want a happy and vibrant soul in my life. Positivity attracts positivity. If you go to sleep every night thinking about the bad things that your ex put you through, it means that you are still holding on to him. And even if you keep insisting that you would never ever take him back if you leave, or wake up angry or sad because of something that he did to you ages ago, he is still very much in your life. Let him go. A friend of mine used to be so good to her man. She made him coffee in bed and when he came out of the shower, hot breakfast was waiting for him. She did this throughout their time together and he neither appreciated her nor loved her

through 90 percent of their relationship. She held on to the love he showed her in the first few months of their relationship. And for the next two years, she remained in the doomed relationship in the hope that somehow they would get back to those good old days. She

eventually gathered the courage to walk away from him and everybody around her breathed a sigh of relief because we all knew what an awful relationship it was.


However, this is not the point of my story. Now that she has left him, she insists that she will never ever do that for a man again. She will never spoil a man and treat him like a king the way she did him. This is an epic fail! What she should be saying is, “I will never ever give that kind of treatment to a man who doesn’t deserve it.” She should never, ever do that for a man who shows her no love in return. A man who does not even bother to tell her he loves her when she says it to him. She gave so much love to an undeserving man, that her knee-jerk reaction was to never give love again. But you can keep somebody who

loves you, loving you by being good to them. Only give your love to those who deserve it.