We can all agree that the ANC has failed in governing this country and therefore will be stepping down to make way for new leadership, be it the era of tyranny by the red sea or a continued era of inequality by the blue ocean. I thought it would be great to share some important information that privileged South Africans don’t know about living in South Africa.
1. Writing a CV: When you write your CV tailor it to the role you are applying for. So you can include your MK work if you are applying for police or security officer roles. If you are applying for a teacher's position the MK experience might not be as critical although our schools have become safety hazards for teachers.
2. Best job search sites: Considering that you will now be joining millions of South Africans who are jobless, I thought you might need information on navigating the world of unemployment. LinkedIn is one of the best used jobs sites by recruiters followed by Career Junction, PNet and Careers24. You will have to create profiles on these sites and hope that some recruiter calls you.
3. Transport: When the luxury cars and blue lights are gone, you will need to familiarise yourselves with some key rules on transportation in SA. If you are going to stay in Johannesburg, you need to understand that the official language at taxi ranks is isiZulu, otherwise you are never going to get help. I can tell this from experience as a Motswana who found "dumelang bagolo" (Setswana greetings) frowned upon in Johannesburg.
You will also need to understand that if you are not good with Mathematics, don’t sit in the front seat of a taxi because one of the perks of sitting in the front seat is that you will act as an accountant for the taxi driver. Should you be fortunate to still have some of the money you looted and are able to own a car, you must know that people actually wake up early to make it to meetings on time. They don’t wake up late and move everyone else to accommodate their poor planning on the road.
4. Public Resources: You will need to know that if you want to go to home affairs, the traffic department or municipal departments, you will need to book a day’s leave. Service in our public departments is so slow you can’t just think your lunch hour will be enough to get a new passport, drivers’ licence or ID. The good news though is that the Randburg home affairs office is open on Saturdays and the Edenvale traffic department is very effective so remember these two names.
5. Get a hospital plan: Because of your incompetence very few public hospitals offer good service, however medical aid is a luxury for many South Africans, so most people opt to have a hospital plan which doesn’t cover the day-to-day medical needs, but will certainly afford you private medical care when you need to be hospitalised. It's also pricey but a little better than the full medical aid cover.
6. Managing household electricity: Because of Eskom incompetence, electricity is very pricey, so to navigate this, people switch off their geyser in their households. Geysers are normally switched off in the morning when people go to work and switched back on an hour before you bath in the morning. There is a solar geyser too if you don’t want to subject yourself to switching geysers on and off. Oh, and get a gas heater.
7. Always keep coins in the car: Because of your failure to create employment, most people have found ways to create work for themselves. There are car guards in every shopping centre, window washers, dancers and beggars at every robot and their tips start from R2 to as much as you can give. Make sure you have something to offer these people.
8. Safety and Security: Because you created a culture of crime in your corruption and killing each other for positions, that culture has trickled down to communities. Women will need to always be aware of their surroundings, avoid using public toilets and if they must go, then have a friend accompany them. You will also have to be aware of your surroundings when you answer the phone because someone can snatch it from you. If you can afford to have a security system at home, get one. If you can’t, at least buy a dog. If you can’t afford a dog, at least make sure you have security gates. But most importantly, never go to bed without praying for a peaceful sleep and divine protection.
9. Groceries: Food is very expensive, but the way to navigate this is to shop around. You might find that toiletry is more reasonable at USave, other foods at Pick ‘n Pay. So, don’t commit to buying everything in one shop. Do stay away from Woolies, unless you still have some money that the Guptas gave you. Always ensure that your groceries include lucky star tinned fish and bull brand beef. With a little bit of tomato these two can serve as an amazing replacement for meat.
10. Switch off aircon when you drive: I honestly don’t know if this tip works or not, but I use it anyway. I guess with faith nothing is impossible. Some people believe that the aircon somehow affects fuel consumption, so rather open your windows a little bit to save fuel than use the aircon.
Hope you enjoy living in South Africa!