Dolls that blow up!

2012-08-06 08:20
Zoolie told this joke on one of Klaasvakie’s articles and I laughed for hours! So here it is again for those of you that missed it.

Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says , 'Male or female?'

Customer says , 'Female.'

Counter guy asks , 'Black or white?

Customer says , 'White.'

Counter guy asks , 'Christian or Muslim?'

Customer says , 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'

Counter guy says , 'The Muslim one blows itself up.'

This made me think of a hilarious situation I got myself in a few years ago.

I have this very prim and proper extremely well spoken friend down in Cape Town. Impeccably bred from the “old money” of the Cape and then a wine connoisseur to add to all his credentials. His 30th birthday was coming up and it would be a party like we have never seen. Our group of friends were told to dress up for the occasion and to behave because his parents have invited a number of the Cape Town snobs.

A week before the big bash I am on a business trip in New York staying at the Sheraton. After my meetings were done one night I get back to my room high up in the sky. I’m standing at the window glancing down on the street below and see a neon sign flashing “adult shop”.

I have never been into an adult shop in South Africa simply because I don’t have the balls to be seen in one. The thought of someone seeing me go in is too much to contemplate.

So I thought, what the hell, nobody knows me in New York, I might as well go satisfy the curious dog within me and go look at the merchandise.

Red faced I sneak in and after a bit of browsing I get to the shelf with the blow up dolls. I get an evil thought and decide to be my obnoxious self and buy my Cape Town friend a blow up doll for his birthday. At that moment I hoped he would open the doll in front of all the snotty guests at his birthday bash.

So armed with the box, I return to the hotel room. I sat looking at the box for a while when my curiosity took complete control of me and I opened the box and took the doll out.

I couldn’t stop laughing!

The box said “she had 3 points of entry” and some vibrating bits. I for the love of life couldn’t think why the doll would have three points of entry, but then I’m not too bright to begin with.

So I blow the doll up and almost got an asthma attack of laughter when this monstrosity was full of air. The Bride of Chucky came to mind. Horrendous looking thing. She had a gaping mouth and you put batteries into her to vibrate!

When I couldn’t laugh anymore and my stomach muscles started hurting, I decide to deflate this horror and simply put it into the cupboard and leave it at the hotel. What was I thinking anyway? How was I going to go through customs with this thing?

So I pull the valve open to deflate the doll but nothing happens. I then realise the doll has a self closing valve and she needs to be embraced to get the air out! So I start hugging the doll and while I’m trying to get the air out my eye catches the mirror across from the bed and I see myself in full glory hugging the Bride of Chucky.

The laughter started all over again and I ended up standing on the doll to get it deflated. Once I had the doll deflated I stuffed her back into her box and shoved her into the cupboard and spent the rest of the night working on some financials, completely forgetting about the doll.

The next morning I call the concierge desk to help me with my luggage. A guy arrives to load my luggage on the trolley but at the same time housekeeping arrives to clean the room.

The concierge man and I walk towards the lift shaft and we wait for a lift. I am deep in thought thinking about the trip to JFK airport through the traffic and if I will be in time to check in.

The next moment the woman from housekeeping is at the lift shaft holding the doll box and asking me if I haven’t forgotten something! She had an evil tinkle in her eye.

I could have died on the spot!

“No no no” I protest, “It isn’t mine”

It was the longest ride down in a lift I have ever had with the concierge guy trying to keep a straight face!

I have never returned to the Sheraton!

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