A recent discussion with my girlfriend over her fear of being alone, of confrontation, rape, murder and petty thievery led us down a path to a solution, one I would like to dispense to you, to use or not to use.
Fear is a funny thing, it crawls up through various experiences and stories from our youth, cemented and well developed by the time we reach our twenties, further propagated by the mass media who just cannot get enough of crime, gore, sex, corruption and drugs.
How then, do we address our fears? How do we conquer them? Our solution started with understanding. Why are you afraid? Not an easy thing to ask and certainly harder to answer. Mostly, it comes down to the effects that we believe we will undergo if the situation were to arise in the first place. So then, we live with this fear of IF something were to happen throughout our lives, even when the probability of it happening is next to zero.
It came then to the point where She was too scared to stay alone in a very secure area, in a very secure house with very secure fittings. She understood that her fear was not based off of personal experience and that the likelihood of anything happening was marginal, but yet – the fear remained.
So, we talked it through. What most people forget is that an intruder is just another person. They are just as scared, they are just as naïve and they have no idea what is in waiting for them. Confrontation is the last thing that they want and mostly they are just there to take what you have and get out.
Knowing this, we then moved onto a solution, one I best described using an analogy of cavemen. When our ancestors of past times resided in caves, outsiders who wanted what they had would regularly plague them. Simply put, the cavemen and woman who did not stand up to protect their caves didn’t have a home come morning.
When we fear something, we build it up within our minds to encompass the fear itself as well as all other infringing ideas. When something that aligns with our fears occur, we seize, we stall and we are unsure of what action to undertake. Herein lies the crux of the solution; have a plan. Focus all of that time and effort you expend on your fear, into a plan for when said fear materialises. This way, you do not spend your life in fear of IF’s and can truly take control of your being.
This is not a movie my friends. You have one life, your partner or loved ones too. If an intruder is willing to penetrate your defences and enter your household, you do what it takes to ensure that they know what they are doing is not all right with you.
So, we came to our plan: Wave one and Wave two. This is a hockey game short corner and we are defending our goal. As Wave one, as soon as we know what’s up, I will give it my all to make sure that I charge that sucker down. Wave two is if I failed or to finish off the intruder. You give it your all. You do not hesitate. This is our cave and I’ll be damned before I see it someone else’s. Now, if I am not present, what then? The answer is simple; She becomes Wave one.
When you do nothing, an intruder knows they are in control. When you stall, it is already too late to think of a solution. When you hide, cower or run, you publicize the very thing that intruders feed off of; fear. So my friends take control of your life, do not fear it and do not mull on the IF’s, have a plan and use it.