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Irukandji
 
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Gobbledygook News Radio 207

11 July 2014, 12:37

I find few things as irritating as the English that is being spoken in this godforsaken country nowadays. But that’s not my main gripe.

My MAIN gripe is the content of news reports on the radio, the printed media, and on the Internet. Most of it is just spoeg en plak – with Shutterstock-type photos to add some colour. Nothing original or factual.

Listening to the news on radio is a killer. The news often sounds like this:

Anchor pessin in the news studio: “In a report just received, we have learned that five hundred rhinos were killed this weekend. We cross over to our reporter, Tshepo Modise, who is at the scene of the crime.”

Tshepo: “Thank you, news pessin in the studio. Mr. Shabalala, from the Game Park, has said in a statement that five hundred rhinos were killed this weekend.”

Now follows a pre-recorded recording of Shabalala’s statement:

Shabalala: “Five hundred rhinos were killed this weekend.”

Back to Tshepo: “Thank you Mr. Shabalala. Yes, indeed, five hundred rhinos were killed at the weekend. Back to you, studio news pessin.”

News pessin in the studio: “Thank you, Tshepo. Isn’t it terrible that five hundred rhinos were killed? I think we should do something about it. We’ll be back after this short message.”

After fifteen minutes of worthless adverts, the studio pessin resumes: “In an interview with the minister of Health today, the minister indicated that her department would engage and touch base with the pillars of interactive commitment. She reiterated the policy of Ubuntu-muntu and Huffle-puffle will be implemented as soon as the commission brings their findings to all the role-playas.”

“We cross over the parliament, where Thandi Malino is waiting with the latest.”

Thandi: “Thank you, news studio pessin. I interviewed the minister of Health earlier today and she indicated that her department would engage and touch base with the pillars of interactive commitment. She reiterated the policy of Ubuntu-muntu and Huffle-puffle will be implemented as soon as the commission brings their findings to all the role-playas.”

Now follows a pre-recorded recording of the ministers’ statement:

Minister: “As I have previously indicated, my department will engage and touch base with the pillars of interactive commitment. I reiterate our policy of Ubuntu-muntu and Huffle-puffle which will be implemented as soon as the commission brings their findings to all the role-playas.”

Thandi: “Thank you, minister. Back to you, studio pessin, with the news.”

News pessin in the studio: “Thank you, Thandi, I’m sure glad that the minster has indicated that her department will engage and touch base with the pillars of interactive commitment, and that she reiterated the policy of Ubuntu-muntu and Huffle-puffle which will be implemented as soon as the commission brings their findings to all the role-playas. We’ll be back after this short message.”

Fifteen minutes of worthless adverts.

Hi, folks, we are back. Our lines are open and we are waiting for your calls. You can join the conversation. Speak your mind. What are your views?

JEEZ! THIS IS TOO MUCH!

Where’s the bloody OFF button on the contraption they call a radio!!?

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