For those of you that have read some of my previous articles will know that I married an Afrikaans Poppie! You might also have read that we moved to America at one stage and allow me to tell you about how an Afrikaans Poppie wants her house decorated in America! We bought a little house in America. But the houses in America are mostly fitted with blinds. Americans don’t like curtains like you South African Poppies do. So my Boeremeisie gives this curtainless house one look and tells me she is not living like this! I must come with her because we must choose some fabric for curtains. No ready made curtains for this Poppie of mine. Oh no. She wanted to make this miserable little house of ours look like something in Beverley Hills. After searching our backsides off we find only one fabric shop in a huge big American city. Those women don’t sow…….wait let me rephrase that in my best Afrikaans for you…….daai vrouens in Amerika naai nie met ‘n naald nie………because they buy all their clothes and have blinds on the windows. Their houses look mostly like offices. Two ugly coaches and a BIG television and they are done decorating after they stick a few posters on the walls. Boeremeisie finds all her “lappe” and off we go to buy her a “naaimasjien”. I wanted to say she already had one, but will behave myself. But Boeremeisie doesn’t want just curtains on the windows, she wants pelmets too and orders me to go get her the necessary stuff so I can put up brackets and stuff so she can make pelmets for her curtains. Off I go to a hardware store. You are probably thinking something along the lines of our local Mica stores. Well……………think Macro and multiply that by 10 and then get yourself a golf cart to ride around in this big thing. Totally lost in this bewildering big store I walk and search for the stuff I need. Me, looking for brackets when I have never held a screwdriver in my hand ever. At last a very friendly American shop attendant comes along and rescues me. This is how the conversation went: “Morning Sir, you seem lost” “ Oh Geez thanks, I am actually lost. I’m looking for brackets to put for our pelmets” “Pelmets? What is a pelmet? “You know that thing you put up to hang the curtains from?” “Oh you mean a shower rail” “NO No No, not a shower. I want to make a thing that is bolted above the window so we can hang curtains from it to close the windows” “Oh!!!! Now I know. You want to make a valance that decorates the window so that you can hang the drapes. Here in America we hang curtains in front of a shower and drapes in front of windows” I sigh a sigh of relief that the man eventually understands me. Next up is a lesson on American construction methods while Poppie is busy designing her master pieces. They have wood houses and the inside walls are all paper thin. I put up the brackets with a screw driver in no time because there is no drilling involved with it being dry walling. Niks bakstene nie. Die wolf gaan jou huis omblaas! So Boerepoppie finished her creations and up they go………until all came crashing down because the screws that hold the brackets pulled out of the paper thin walls……. We packed the curtains away and started studying for our American drivers licenses!