The Ram saved the Zebra

2012-08-09 10:48

Sigh…………I have such a huge educational task ahead of me here on MyNews24. So I’m going to devote my long weekend helping all of you believers and non-believers on a new enlightened path to boundless spiritual freedom.

There is a new religion that answers all our questions. Remember how the Atheists on here are forever asking the Christians to prove the existence of their God?

I don’t like the word god at all. It is far too generic for me. Greek gods, Buddha and the list is never ending. A god should have a name, like Jacob or Julius or something along those elated uplifting lines.

But I have now found a god with a name. At last! His name is Ramptha. To simplify matters he is called Ram.

Come on now! Stop pulling faces at me. I’m very serious tonight! Go make a mug of Nescafe and come back to your monitor and focus!

OK? Now let me explore the origins of Ram with you. You remember the city of Atlantis? No no, not Atlanta in the United States Of Athholes. Atlantis is the one that sunk away into the sea when Noah had to cruise his 40 foot yacht around with a few elephants and other stuff like talking snakes.

It was when that big tsunami hit the earth and all the plates moved around and caused the oceans to flood the whole damn place. Anyway whatever chaos went on, all that matters is that Atlantis disappeared under the sea and everybody drowned in it.

Or so we thought.

But in 1977 Ram rose miraculously from the Atlantis water grave. Really.

He then walked ashore in America and stumbled till he got to Roswell. You know that place where those sadistic Americans kidnapped the poor defenceless Aliens? You can never trust an American with a gun. They will shoot anything that moves!

But let me forget those Americans I so deeply despise and get back to our new religion. Now where was I?

Oh yes….Ram arriving in Roswell. He saw a MacDonalds and the aroma of food struck his hungry nostrils. He went inside and all alone by her lonely self sat this rather hot blonde. Now Ram hasn’t been with a woman for 35,000 years, so you can imagine what went through his head.

I’m not making any of this up. I’m very serious! Her name was Judy Zebra Knight. Behave yourself and stop laughing now! That was her name. Go Google her if you don’t believe me!

Anyway so Ram and Zebra started a mental fornication and goodness knows what else, but he enlightened Zebra…..I’m not sure if she introduced him to marijuana, because you know Yanks can’t get through a day without a little helper or two.

But to cut a long story short, Ram started speaking through Zebra or as she is commonly known, JZ Knight and the Truth came out.

Ram told Zebra he was a Lemurian warrior who fought the Atlanteans over 35,000 years ago. He spoke of leading an army over 2.5 million strong (more than twice the estimated world population at about 30,000 BC) for 63 years, and conquering three fourths of the known world (which was allegedly going through cataclysmic geological changes).

Brave guy! So Zebra fell in love with this warrior!

Ram is the central figure (the "master teacher") of Ramtha's School of Enlightenment, started by Zebra Knight in 1987 in Yelm, Washington. She married a few men, like 5 and drifted across America from Roswell to Washuington. NO no…. not the Political capitol, the wet rainy swamp on the west side of America.

A central theme of Ram's teachings involves the internalisation of divinity (God is in Us, You are God, Behold God). Ram is described as having brought his knowledge to many ancient civilizations in the world such as the Ancient Egyptians. It is also suggested that traces of the lineage of the original teachings and philosophies he taught 35,000 years ago have appeared throughout history in the school of Socrates, religions like Hinduism and Judaism, and the works of great minds such as Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo.

The four cornerstones of Ram's philosophy are:

 The statement 'You are god'

The directive to make known the unknown

The concept that consciousness and energy create the nature of reality

The challenge to conquer yourself.

OK? You have mastered the new principles of the religion? You are your own god…OK?

But what is so wonderful about this new way of worshipping is the manner in which it is done. You worship with the coolest seductive music man has ever written. While you worship you actually feel the fornication urges grow in you.

A 15-year old girl had written a letter to Zebra, which mentioned that her dancing and acting teacher was a Ram student and had engaged in sexual intercourse with her between 1995 and 1997. The activities had also involved another horny older woman. Lekker 3 some with 2 girls and a Ramtarian. They had apparently told the girl that sexual intercourse would help her to relax and improve her acting ability. So this religion is for the fornicating few.

Enigma and Era are the new hymns. Sorry, if you want to follow this enlightened religion, then you have to give away all your Steve Hofmeyr and Bok Van Blerk CD’s to your Tannie on the farm at Koffiefontein. No more of this perverse Afrikaans music inciting a General to kill little Malema. This is a peaceful religion and Bok Van Blerk is a bit much!

Are you enlightened now?

I hope so because I lie awake at night worrying about all you souls on here.

NEXT ON NEWS24X

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