Where are the Muslims?

2012-07-23 11:20

The Cyber Blood is flowing down the trenches of News24. The Atheist are all standing strong, guns firing, with about 5 Christians making a last attempt to survive this onslaught.

Initially we had many Christians in this battle. Me the only Jew also tagging along with my AK47 and the Star of David around my neck.

But where are the Muslims? Are there no Muslims that are willing to stand up for what they believe? Or don’t they read News24? They are the fastest growing religion on the planet and number at about 1.5 billion.

Seeing the Muslims are this quiet about their faith, I’m going to teach all the other News24 contributors about Islam. Islam seen through my crooked eyes. Pardon my ignorance, but please feel free to come teach us about your beliefs Holy Man of Mecca.

So here goes.

From my research I think Islam is a rather cool religion. You are allowed 4 wives. You may also cover them beauties up with clothing so the lusting Christians can’t see the pleasures you have amassed for yourself. By the way, you Muslims have some really hot women. You are a bunch of lucky animals!

I’m not allowed to name the girl, because according to Islam she should be stoned for sleeping with me but once at university I had a wild one night stand with a Muslim girl. We laughed more than anything else. The Jew in bed with the Arab beauty. I should actually not even tell this on here because I could cause some more bombings in the Gaza Strip.

I have some wild fantasies about Islam. I know all Islamic men are rich. I have never met a servant of Mecca in anything other than a Mercedes. They live in those palaces and I wonder what lurks behind the walls of the property?

So before we analyse their beliefs, can a Muslim man come tell us if all the wives sleep in bed with you?

That is the most burning question my perverted brain needs answering, but let me contain my lustful ways and focus on something a bit more spiritual.

The way I understand the faith is that you serve the same God as the Christians? But you have an extra prophet named Mohammed. He did roughly the same job as Moses and the likes. Not being able to read your Arabic bible I’m in the dark about most things regarding your faith. Once I read about the 4 wives, I kind of lost my concentration and my rotten flesh took over.

1.       Please tell us if the Imam may also have 4 wives or hasn’t he got time for his manly desires?

2.       Do you all really pray 5 times a day, and what do you pray for? Riches, health or a place in heaven?

3.       Are there 2 heavens then? Because the Christians are not going to share their heaven with you. You should hear them when I tell them I am allowed to be a bad Jew and I am going to heaven anyway. Even though their Bible tells them I have a place in their heaven, they spit fire thinking of sordid me in their heaven.

4.       Tell us about your Angels. Can you see them or are they like ghosts in your imagination?

5.       Why do you have to go to Mecca at least once in your lifetime?

I would appreciate some enlightenment because unless God has two heavens we are going to see an almighty religious war in future. The Twin Towers will look like a kindergarten party!

Most importantly though, don’t forget to tell me about your wives. These readers on News 24 live for a bit of skinner from other people’s bedrooms.

NEXT ON NEWS24X

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