A unicorn without a horn is a donkey!

2010-10-08 11:35

Many years ago, unicorns roamed the planet as one of the most majestic animals. People believed that the unicorn was a symbol of life and possessed the gift of magic. Seeing a unicorn was a blessing. A unicorn could choose to give back life!

This, however, was not good enough for man. Man wanted to choose when to give back life and not leave such an important decision to the unicorn. The magic lay in the horn! So man started hunting unicorn for its horn.

Good people seeing this, decided that the only way to save the unicorn, was to cut off its horn. But a unicorn without its horn is a horse, or maybe even a donkey. Unicorns roam earth today trapped in eternal indebtedness to man, paying the price of being saved, by working for man.

A rubbish story…yes! But not as silly as cutting off the horns of Rhino in order to save the species. A rhino without its horns is not a rhino! Treat the cause and not the symptoms. The fault is with the men that hunt and the men that buy, not at the majestic rhino.

If this is the best solution, then I have the answer to many other South African problems:

1. White farmers being targeted: Paint them black.

2. Too few doctors and engineers: Lower the pass rate

3. Drinking and Driving: Take the alcohol out of drinks

4. Too many Rapes: Cut off men’s tools

5. Not enough millionaires in SA: Adopt Zimbabwe’s currency.

6. The ratio of quota players in Rugby is not good enough, play with fewer players to ensure that ratios improve.

Save the Rhino! Treat the cause!

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  • SimonP - 2010-10-08 11:47

    A truly african remedy: Prejudice the victim not the perpretrator.

  • Dipsy - 2010-10-08 11:48

    Never ever play leapfrog with a Unicorn or a Rhino !!

  • cc - 2010-10-08 11:52

    brilliant, love it

  • BeeK - 2010-10-08 11:53

    LOL! Loved your solutions! Thanks for the laugh.

  • edwin - 2010-10-08 11:54

    I 100% agree with your point no4. Castrate all rapists!!!!!!!!!

  • Juan - 2010-10-08 11:57

    Government has ALWAYS treated the symptom and not the cause, example:
    When a nurse speaks out about dirty hospitals, they fire the nurse.
    When the media reports on corruption: censor the media.
    When people complain about crime, sensor crime stats.
    The list goes on and on!
    It is the african way.

  • Pro Rhino Survival - 2010-10-08 12:02

    I see your point and it also makes me angry, but at least this will save the rhinos from extinction and give them time to build up numbers again while the poaching problem is eradicated.

  • Chris G - 2010-10-08 12:02

    You realise that most of what you said is already being done?
    Run away farmers!! Head for the hills before government arrive with their paint brushes!!

  • JK - 2010-10-08 12:04

    Brilliant article! I'm sure those advocating cutting off the rhino horns never thought of it this way.

  • oral - 2010-10-08 12:10

    Great article and truth in every sense, take now for example the ANC are going to spend billions on upgrading hospitals, not a bad thing but why are they so run down? People in side running them maybe? Just a thought ... how about spending billions bringing skilled nurses and doctors back into the country as well, nice to have upgraded hospitals but monkeys working in them is not addressing the cause!

  • Bernard Black*@Mark Edwards - 2010-10-08 12:11

    Ha, ha. Good stuff!! Ya i saw a hot lady Vampire lst night(around 1am). Damm she gave me this HUGE fright! Shame, guess they have feelings too, so i decided to invite the little minx for dinner 2night. The problem is I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES!!!...I hope i see her again... (sigh)

  • Nostradammit - 2010-10-08 12:13

    @ Mark Edwards. One of the better pieces I have read on this forum - thanks for some sobering thoughts and highlighting just how insane and illogical some (most?) of our people in authority are. You did get me going there for a while, as I thought you were going to go on to describe the beautiful mermaids too; I have one in my pool; she arrived on the back of a unicorn at the start of summer!

  • Herman - 2010-10-08 12:17

    When I saw the letter was about a unicorn, I immediately thought it was about religion. A rhino is still a rhino even if it doesn't have a horn. Sigh

  • Juan - 2010-10-08 12:18

    People should be educated: Rhino horn is just compressed hair and does not have any medicinal properties.

  • yellowman - 2010-10-08 12:21

    Where am I then supposed to get my aphrodisiac?

  • Steve - 2010-10-08 12:21

    Just a few corrections to your proposals:

    3. Drinking and Driving: increase the legal limit

    4. Too many Rapes: Women should stop dressing suggestively

  • XXX - 2010-10-08 12:24

    Department of Defence: R1bln in irregular spending in the last 12 months, lets treat the cause with bonuses all round.

  • AJ @ Mark Edwards - 2010-10-08 12:33

    Nicely put Mark. Stop the silly compromises, and solve the damn problem!

  • Sarah. - 2010-10-08 12:34

    I still am for the poisoning of the horns theory. Sooner or later the dumb f**ks who insist on using the powdered horn as a cure for health problems, will get the message. Oh, and their health problems will be resolved one way or the other... Save our rhino at all costs.

  • ir8m8@steve - 2010-10-08 12:36

    you are going to get such a tongue lashing dude...brace yourself.
    Gen X = anarchy!!!!!
    but seriously if we assert that kind of rule, will you be prepared to behave more gentlemanly, dress accordingly, adopt a 1950's approach to how you appear socially...i did not think so, then that just makes you Sexist.
    your slur about drinking abviously also shows that contemporary SAFFERS don't actually give a toss about law, just simply not getting caught (good old americanism slipping in), no wonder we cant run a country, we cant even respect its laws, i seriously hope that one day when a drunk kills someone you love, you remember the laugh you had here.

  • Large_Nosed_Muslim - 2010-10-08 12:49

    Problem : Chinese hunting the rhino.
    Solution : Nuke China

  • JC - 2010-10-08 12:52

    And you can polish a rock all you want, it will never become a diamond ...

  • Anna - 2010-10-08 13:02

    Very good article Mark. Unfortunately, as long as there is GREED there will be unfortunate victims. Another solution would be to wall off China. They are the biggest culprits when it comes to animals being bought and used for "medicinal" purposes.

  • JD - 2010-10-08 13:02

    When I started reading the article I thought what an idiot, glad i finished it because it is so true what you are saying you forgot one, the potholes in our roads instead of putting a sign up to warn us this hazard rather fix those potholes

  • VinnyTheSaffer@Sarah - 2010-10-08 13:09

    Yes - agreed, can come braai at my house anytime.

  • Juan @ JD - 2010-10-08 13:17

    Putting up a "caution Potholes" sign is much cheaper than to fix potholes. The money left over is used for anc parties and expensive toys while the poor suffer.

  • GVA - 2010-10-08 13:18

    I wonder how much JZ can get for his horn?
    We all know its in good working order!

  • logic - 2010-10-08 13:20

    1) I doubt very much that those people cutting off the rhino horns see this as the solution to the problem. Please don't insult their intelligence, they're probably doing more to sort out the real problem than what you are.
    2) Its called a temporary measure, while attempts are made to sort out the real problem, which is actually quite a formidable task. Lets just see the bigger picture here before being critical.

  • Michael - 2010-10-08 13:29

    Your article is a bit short-sighted. You're looking at the problem in terms of "they must fix it", who's they? It's up to law enforcement to catch these guys (Which they seem to be stepping up and doing), but until the problem is brought under control by law enforcement, what are the people trying to save the rhinos supposed to do? It's not like all the rhinos come in and sleep in a barn overnight, bright-spark. They're out in the wild, in large areas of land, that are hard to monitor for poachers. I think it's horible that they have to resort to those methods, but really, if you're so bright, and have a better idea, what is it? Assign a game ranger to every rhino to be a bodyguard? Use that grey crap you call brains, and think a bit further than your nose. At least they're trying to save rhino's lives by making them useless to poachers. The alternative is a dead rhino.

  • Antithesis - 2010-10-08 13:32

    Cutting off the horn is just a short term relief while a real plan is made to sort out the long term issue. Its a basic means to an end. The real African way (and crime!) is to procrastinate in committees and subsidiary commitees and budget committees for 50 years and come up with a plan that an 8 year old could have drawn up in 10 minutes. I doubt the govt. thought of cutting horns off, im sure it was the true conservationists that suggested this because it was a last resort to save rhino lives. We had this problem in late 80's and early 90's and they did the same thing, back then the govt gave a sh*t and stepped in. I vote to deface the rhino if it keeps them alive for now. In the interim we as South Africans should educate chinese pharmacists that the fatty areas around our politicians wastes...diluted in hot green revolutionary (scuse the pun) for your bowel movement. Lets see poachers hunt our own cabinet thats animal rights.

  • CandyH - 2010-10-08 14:28

    @Dipsy - amusing, love your way of thinking! Save the Rhino's.

  • Deidre - 2010-10-08 14:38

    Lovely, simply lovely! LOL

  • Badger - 2010-10-08 15:19

    Good Read, However as I have mentioned before. Dehorning a Rhino will NOT solve the problem as poachers will shoot a dehorned Rhino so as not to waste valuable time tracking it AGAIN. Sad but true !!!

  • Judith - 2010-10-08 15:39

    @Steve - you are ignorant and prejudiced! Babies and old women are raped and I don't think they can be said to dress suggestively. Rape has nothing to do mwith what a woman or child wears, it has everything to do with power and anger

  • Oupa Willem - 2010-10-09 07:00

    Hi Mark, was thinking about your option 4. The sentence for being found guilty of killing a rhino should be ditto No your 4!!!!!

  • Whatever - 2010-10-09 17:20

    @Steve & @Judith: One more stop rape, women should just stop saying no! Judith, it was a joke - get over yourself or maybe grow a brain.

  • twolips - 2010-10-09 19:39

    One question no-one has asked: who is going to do what with the removed rhino horns? Bet you someone, somewhere will still sell them to China and pocket the money.

  • Scaramouche - 2010-10-09 22:11

    Great article, serious article written with a light peacock feather!

  • AJ @ Steve - 2010-10-11 06:40

    According to your logic, South Africa then has a lot of suggestively or provocatively dressed babies wandering around? Furthermore a very attractive woman in a very skimpy dress walked past me on the weekend, and I didnt even rape her or anything. I just carried on with my own business. Does that make me weird (or un-South African perhaps)?

  • Eles - 2010-10-11 06:59

    I think we need to name and shame the buyers that belief this rubbish - it does seem ridiculous in this day and age but desperate people are easily fooled. Consider how many idiots here listen to their sangoma, the rape of children and body parts! Consider the treatment of women over the years if thought to be barren - it never occured to any men that it might just be their equipment and not due to the women. We need to educate people.

  • PetriDish - 2010-10-11 15:42

    I have a solution that could work. We all know that rhino horn is composed primarily of the protein keratin. A quick "google" indicates that there are many synthetic keratin producers throughout the world, funnily enough many of them found in China. Why the hell can we therefore not sell synthetic keratin as the ultimate viagra to the STUPID chinese masses. And why the hell is our government still siding up to chinese authorities like long lost lovers when we should be stating the law very strongly: HANDS OFF OUR RHINOS!!

  • Nemesis Hex - 2010-10-13 10:50

    The problem is humanity itself. In all probability there should be a hell of a lot less of them around in the next 50 to 100 years. Nature has the uncanny means to heal itself relatively fast in comparison to humans and in terms of developement nature has all the time whilst humans are rather slow and short lived. Considering that humanity has in all its time have offered nature nothing other than a bad invection. Nature is fast moving towards shaking us off. Even if we were cast in stone, nature would find a way to crack us. It is such a consolation to know that ultimately nature is bigger than us and that our position here is temporary. We do not deserve this planet and our demise is long overdue.

    Ps. Whatever Steve. If you can survive long enough, just maybe you can one day be in the position again to bag a female after clubbing her on the head. Sounds like that is your way of going about the mating game. I can't wait for the likes of you drowning by the thousands as nature rectifies this anomaly called "humans".

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