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A heart of a good mother

06 January 2018, 18:15

We’ve just celebrated Christmas and blasted fireworks joyously but can we pause and ask if these festivities were enjoyed with complete families; a child having his/her Mom and Dad at one place smiling and embracing the moment with both of them wishing him/her a happy 2018 without the use of bloody phones/Video Calls/Skype/ WhatsApp when conveying the words and love?

How many parents were denied by others to spend the festive season with their children? Denied, is the word I used! Stay with me, I am not talking about one parent who was unable to be there because of working away commitments or bereavement. I am talking about breakups, separations and divorces. Lord have mercy!

Between being ignorant and naive exists an invisible and very tiny area habited by a huge and continuously growing population. It isn't easy and maybe also not important to figure out how such a number of people fit in such a small space without any of them complaining about discomfort. Stupidity; is what that area is called. People believe that by giving birth to a baby automatically says that they love that offspring.

I would've been tempted to blame this on social media and the forever sprouting populist stances and statements but the issue draws its roots far deeper.

On the African point of view men/fathers have always played a very small role in the bringing up of children and those who showed enthusiasm, pushing an envelope a little further were and are still side eyed and told to bloody straighten up; it is a woman’s responsibility! It became a norm and ridiculous narrative that women/mothers need not be questioned about their love for their children but men/fathers must be tucked under the magnifying glass a little.

Mothers are always the reason why many fathers do not spend family holidays with their children and yet they claim that they love their children. How can you claim to love your children when you exclude and diminish the role and existence of their father? Does anyone feel uncomfortable if we take a quick and short dive on this in hope that things change for better?

That uncomfortable feeling is nothing compared to the pain, depression and loneliness which is felt annually by the fathers who are denied time with their children. It is also nothing when compared to the damage occurring in the child’s perspective of love, companionship/marriage and parenting. Let’s not forget that children learn faster from observing actions than listening to what they are told.

Anyone claiming to have successfully untangled their children from the love of their fathers must admit that it isn't love that they replaced to form that ‘transition’. You can only get happiness when giving it and not by taking it from others. While you as a mother believe that you are wining, please note that it isn't only your opponent/the father who is losing but also the very same child you are selfishly keeping away from his/her father. The social science research is clear that children develop best and enjoy a healthier psycho-socio outcome as adults when they have secure relationships to both parents.

Bartenders across the UK have grown thick skin especially for Christmas as they forever have to lend an ear to all those drunk fathers gabbing about their feelings for not being able to be see their children on Christmas morning and with some voicing their worries of how they would get through 2018 as there is no sign of hope that the mothers of their children would let them love the children and not only see them on very unfair stated visitation rights which are so brief that the pain is sustained more than not seeing the children at all.

While everyone become anxious and looking forward to Christmas when it is only a few days away, these fathers do not join but sink their hearts in sadness at the reality that once again they would not be with their children. The feelings are extremely hard to hide and those who look like they can, it is only because they are with company that doesn't know them well.

As much as your child will remain as your child to you, you should not forget that children grow and as they do, they also learn to distinguish between what is real to what is not as they learn the truth. Absent-fathers has become some kind of a norm and expected social epidemic in society but having women/mothers contributing to the severity of it is not just cruel and disgusting but an ultimate catastrophe.

It is only proper to employ wisdom as you grow than when you are older or you will risk being perceived as been a horrible parent whom your very own children would not want near their own; your grand children obviously!

Like SoSaysMyDad on Facebook, follow us @SoSaysMyDad1, a movement set to encourage hands-on fathers in parenting.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

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