QUESTIONI am a 29-year-old father of one. I found out that I am HIV positive when I was 20-yearsold. Growing up I only knew my mother’s side of the family. I unknowingly started dating my aunt’s child, from my father’s side of the family. I only found out that we are related when I introduced her to my mother. I wanted to tell my girlfriend that we are related, but knowing what family means to her, there was no way our relationship was going to continue after that. I fell in love with her and I didn’t have the guts to tell her about my status because I thought that if she found out, she would leave me. We recently found out that she’s pregnant and the doctors told her that she is HIV positive. She is blaming her ex-boyfriend thinking he was the one who infected her. This is tormenting me; I can’t even sleep at night. How do I tell the woman I love that I infected her with HIV and that we are related? CONFUSED BOYFRIENDMOVE! EXPERT ADVICENthabiseng Madikgetla, a social worker based in Benoni, says, “It is unfortunate that all this happened only because you did not tell the truth from the beginning. A relationship built on a foundation of lies is most likely going to fail in the end because the truth always has a way of coming out. It is good that you now realise that the lies and deceit cannot go on anymore. I recommend that you both speak to an HIV counsellor or social worker. The presence of a counsellor or social worker is not going to make it easy but at least you will have the guidance and support to tell the truth. She will also be in the presence of a professional who will be able to assess her response and know what to do to contain her should the need arise. The least you can do for her is to respect her decision after she learns the truth and accept it regardless of whether it favours you or not.”MOVE! READERS ADVISEDINEO THÈÉ GAL DINNYTell it like it is, you are already in hot water. Not telling her will make things worse because eventually she will find out and you will still be in trouble. You have hidden the truth from her for too long, so tell her, she deserves to know.VUMBHONI MA’PRIORITY DOMBENIYou should have told the truth from the beginning. One lie yields another and, instead of getting better, it spirals out of control. Take control of the situation by telling the truth.AVILE SHAKES KANGWENYAYou are a man and in this instance, I think you should have known better and come clean the moment you found out that you were related. I sympathise with you.SIMON BOTLHOKWANE-TAUDon’t let your child arrive in a world of lies and deceit. Just tell the truth and find closure. God will take care of the rest, otherwise you’ll never find happiness.